Super Eeveelution Rescue Team
by NNTQ
Summary: A Lilliputian named John and a talking Umbreon named Umberina journey through the multiverse to find her seven eeveelution sisters, but they run into a bit of trouble on the way. (Rated M for soft vore-ish action.)
1. First Encounter

Chapter 1: First Encounter

It was a cold winter night, one of many stretching out to become longer and longer as the end of the year approached. John's birthday was approaching soon. He lay on his cold, uncomfortable bed, staring out the open window at the full moon, hanging so high in the sky. He got up from bed, kneeled down in front of the window, and made a wish. He was not expecting it to be answered, but it was worth a try.

A loud thump sounded outside, the house shaking along with it. He sat up immediately, pressing his ears and then his eyes up to the window. There was another thump, and the house shook again. He was scared, but also curious. He left his bedroom and slipped out of the front door where he saw it.

Four black furry legs stood like skyscrapers in the middle of town, stretching up and connecting to the body of an immense fox-like monster. Large yellow circles were scattered through its fur, glowing bright enough to light up four blocks in every direction, but by some miracle, nobody else had appeared to wake up yet. Its large bushy tail wagged slowly, creating a small tornado that spun for a few seconds before disappating.

He blinked and rubbed his eyes, wondering if he was seeing things. But he wasn't. Pokémon were just another fantasy species to learn about in mythology class, or so he thought. But here he was, looking up at an… Umbreon, as they were called. It was a wish come true.

The Umbreon looked down and noticed John standing far below them. Adrenaline shot through his veins as they moved their large head to the ground, creating a small crater as if offering him a ride. He blinked in confusion for a few seconds. Then he overcame his fear and jumped onto their head, sinking slightly into their thick, soft fur.

The Umbreon moved their head back up into the air, causing him to slip. He clung desperately to their face as the behemoth sniffed him. He immediately became still, wondering what he was being tested for and if he would pass it.

After a minute, the sniffing ceased and the Umbreon licked him. Their huge tongue slid back and forth along his whole body, making him completely and utterly wet. He choked, attempting to force the saliva out of his throat. He stuck his fingers into his ears, attempting to clean them out.

"What was that for?" He shouted.

"You needed a bath," The Umbreon said in a surprisingly feminine voice. "Sorry for startling you."

"Wow! You can talk?" He said. He hadn't actually been expecting the Umbreon to actually reply to his question. "I thought you would just say 'Umbreon' over and over."

"That's ridiculous," She said, laughing loudly and causing a window to shatter. "Where did you hear that from?"

"Our textbooks," John said. "In school, we were always told that Pokémon were mythical creatures."

"Well, it looks like you're talking to a myth," She said, laughing again. "Nice to meet you. You can call me… Umberina."

"I'm John," He said, petting the fur that currently surrounded him. She purred slightly, barely feeling his touch but still enjoying it. "So why are you so big?"

"Why are you so small?"

"I'm a Lilliputian. I can't help it."

"I'm a Pokémon. I can't help it either."

"So why are you here?" John asked Umberina.

Umberina took a moment to think about this. "My friends have all gone missing, and I've been looking for someone who is willing to help me find them. Everyone else here is so small, and I'm so big, so they fear me. You're different, though, aren't you?"

He frowned a bit. He didn't want to tell her about the wish he had made, or how unusual it had been for it to come true. He was still afraid that it still wasn't real, that it would slip through his fingers and become a dream again if he ever spoke a word of it to anyone else.

"I don't know. It's just hard to fear someone who's so cute."

If he had been able to see Umberina from a distance, he would have noticed that her cheeks had brightened slightly, as if in a faint blush.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me," He continued.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I live alone here in the town. I realized tonight that I didn't know anyone well in the slightest. I had no friends. And then you arrived."

"Wow. We must have been meant to meet each other."

"I will ride with you," He said, steeling his resolve. "Wherever you go, I will go there with you. My life could use a bit of adventure, and your life could use a bit of friendship."

Umberina was pleased by these words. She was glad to have made a new friend, and even better, one that was willing to help her find the rest of her friends. John sunk under the soft surface below him, nearly disappearing between the giant hairs that made up her warm black fur.

"Are you ready?" She asked him.

"Take me anywhere you want," John whispered into the bottom of her tall black ears.

She obliged and began to walk, leaving the city and joyfully strolling through the wide-open wilderness that lay beyond it.

John was just as happy to be there as Umberina was about him being there. He layed back and fell asleep to the sound of her rhythmic breathing.

* * *

 **A/N: And thus the great journey begins! This is going to be a long story, so bear with me. It will be finished eventually.**


	2. Your Feature Presentation Will Begin

John woke up in a shock. He had just had one of the strangest dreams. After making a wish a few days before his birthday, the wish came true and appeared at his doorstep in the form of a giant Umbreon. They chatted for a bit, then walked off together into the night.

He felt a weird after the dream, as if he was waking up in a different room. He opened his eyes and saw a bunch of soft strands of hair surrounding him. They stood perfectly upright, all attached to a long stretch of material that looked exactly like skin.

He looked around in bewilderment. He was nestled down in Umberina's fur. This wasn't a dream. This was real!

He almost whooped in delight before hearing a strange sound. Umberina breathed up and down in an unbroken pattern, air going in and out making a sound similar to snoring. She was asleep.

He moved through her fur, hoping to get a closer look at her face. However, he went to far and slipped, rolling down her nose in a simultaneously hilarious and painful fashion. He freefalled through the open air, heading towards the rocky floor below. Thankfully, he hit her paw, which had enough fur to cushion his fall and prevent him from being hurt. He was safe.

He took a look around and saw that they were in a giant underground tunnel of some sort: a burrow. Umbreons were night creatures by habit, he remembered, so they must sleep during the day so they can stay awake all night long. She wouldn't wake up for hours. What in the world would he do all day?

Umberina rolled over in her sleep, moving straight towards him. John noticed the incoming hazard and jumped away before he could be crushed. She finally came to a stop and relaxed, becoming still again as she sunk back into a deep sleep.

John wiped a bit of sweat off his face. He couldn't take a whole day of this. He had to do something. He climbed up her leg and went up onto her head.

"Wake up," He whispered into her ears.

Umberina's eyes opened immediately. Being around beings who were millions of times smaller for the past few days had made her a light sleeper.

"What is it?" She said in a tired tone.

"You almost killed me when you moved in your sleep!" He said, getting right to the point. "I need somewhere safe to stay."

"Go to the other side of the burrow," She said, pointing to a tunnel leading in the opposite direction.

He did as he was told, taking the slow route along the floor to get a safe distance away from the Umbreon. He sat down on a pebble, admiring her from afar. She might be a giant furry beast, but that didn't stop her from looking undeniably beautiful. Her sleek black fur glistened a bit even in the dark burrow, being lit up by the glowing circles on her legs, ears, tail, and forehead.

He sighed happily, continuing to stare as he took in every detail of her impressive body. He felt a strange feeling when he looked at her, and he wasn't sure what it was yet. He was, however, grateful to be here in her presence. He settled down and went to sleep.

They slept through the long day until the sun started to set, making the world glow in colorful lights.

Umberina woke up naturally. For her, this was like morning. She walked through the burrow, checking to see where he was in the burrow and discovering that he was sleeping on the exact pebble she had pointed at, safe and sound and still asleep.

Excellent. He had passed her secret trust test.

She carefully picked him up with her mouth and tossed him a bit in the air. He landed on her head, still fast asleep. He would need to be fully rested and ready to move by the time they reached The Gate.

She left the burrow and looked out to the town that was a little too close for comfort. It was tall compared to her, but nowhere near as big of a size difference compared to her and John. He probably didn't even know that the world was this big, or that this town here was populated by a two-legged species that looked exactly like him, only bigger. They were a mean bunch, always going into the forest and attempting to capture the peaceful creature that lived there, keeping them as pets, or worse, forcing them to fight each other until one of them passed out from the effort of battling.

They had taken her friends and then disappeared through The Gate, going through the dimensional portal to who knows where. She had to follow them and get them back, no matter what.

But first she would need to make it to The Gate. That meant going right through the town and risking capture from these big meanies.

She secured John, then began running.

People all around her stared in awe as she ran by, and she realized that she had accidentally chosen to run down the main street. This place would be crawling with self-proclaimed "animal trainers" the moment they heard the commotion.

"Umbreon! Umbreon!" A little boy shouted, pointing as she passed by. "Can I pet him?"

Umberina growled back at him. Why did these idiots assume that she was a man? After capturing so many Pokémon they should be able to identify gender differences by now. She knew that females of her species were less common, but as far as she knew, that was only being caused by continuous abuse from humans.

Capturers had finally arrived, running at her from behind. She kicked them without looking back, speeding up as she headed towards The Gate. She was getting close, but one of the men chasing her was really determined.

"Gotcha, little guy!" The man said, grabbing her by the tail.

"Nope, I'm a lady," She said, scratching his face.

He dropped her down to the ground, screaming in pain while the crowd behind him wondered how in the world an Umbreon could talk. While they were distracted, she ran through the gate and disappeared, leaving the man that the crowd called "Ash" far behind.

Umberina slid through a giant glass tube in the middle of a color-changing void as random shapes and objects flew all around her, leaving scenery for her to stare at as she flew down the long twisty slide at breakneck speed.

She quickly checked herself and was glad to find that John was still safe. She put the sleeping Lilliputian back onto her head as they rode down. John yawned and blinked his eyes open. After sleeping through all of the commotion and excitement of the past couple of minutes, he was finally awake again.

He looked around, taking in his new and dizzying surroundings. He wasn't sure what in the world was happening, or where the world had even gone to, as this surely wasn't the same world he had known for all of his life. He did know, however, that there was no going back from here.

This was the beginning. The beginning of excitement. The beginning of romance. The beginning of something new.

This was the beginning of the craziest adventure the world ever saw.

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, I can't promise there will be romance. Actually, there won't be, because I suck at romance, and it would just be weird! But the plot will be here, and it is going to begin on the next chapter. Stay tuned for the first of many cross-overs: Yu-Gi-Oh!**


	3. Insert Bridge Joke Here

Chapter 3: Insert Bridge Joke Here

After a long and dizzying journey through The Gate, they both came out into a small plain-colored room with no windows and minimal decorations. The only things in the room were The Gate, themselves, and a tiny box on the wall containing maps.

"Where are we?" John said, taking in the new sights around them.

"Let's find out," Umberina said.

She took a map out of the box and unfolded it wide, holding it close so John could read it as well. It was a handy map of the Observable Multiverse, complete with a marking that said "You are here." They appeared to be in some universe labelled "Yu-Gi-Oh".

She wondered what that meant, but she didn't have to wonder for long, as a door opened and two boys burst into the room. They had rididiculous outfits and even more ridiculous hairstyles. But most ridiculous of all, however, were their surprisingly high-pitched voices.

"Nyeh? I could have sworn somebody came through the...the...nyeh! What was it again, Yugh?"

"The teleporter, Joey," The other boy answered, clutching a golden pyramid hanging around their neck as they spoke. "We should turn this off before any more tourists start ruining Yu-Gi-Oh!"

Then they both looked to the ground and noticed them.

"What the nyeh? Look!" Joey said, pointing down at Umberina. "They gave us another one of them! They're like our duel monsters, but cuter..."

He reached down and patted her on the head, causing John to be knocked down onto the floor. He winced in pain, rubbing a sore spot on his back.

"...and just as real as the last one!" Joey continued, finishing his thought. "Can we keep it, Yugi?"

"No, Joey! Stop ruining Yu-Gi-Oh!" Yugi shouted in anger. "We have to turn it into a card and use it in a battl—er, children's card game, just like the last one."

Suddenly, the pyramid around his neck glowed with energy, and the light expanded to cover him completely. When the light faded, a child that looked like a younger version of the person who was just there had taken their place.

"Well, maybe you can keep one just this once..." The prepubescent doppleganger said.

"Nyeh! Thank you! I've got an exotic pet, so eveyone will be so jealous!" Joey said, picking up Umberina. "Now all I need is a tree that can grow money, and I'll really have something to brag to Kaiba about!"

Joey walked down a hallway, holding Umberina sideways while John ran behind them, nearly drowning in his own sweat as he tried to keep up. They turned at an intersection and went down a long balcony walkway. A wide ballroom-sized place was below, replete with gigantic picture windows. Umberina looked outside at the night sky, and the moon gave her strength. She was going to need it.

They left the balcony area and entered a long hallway filled with lots and lots of labeled doors. Each door there was marked with labels like "Our School", "Castle On The Island", and "That Place Where We Did The Cool Thing".

"What? A hallway full of doors? Nyeh, must be more canon derailment," Joey grumbled. "The author of this story never actually watched Yu-Gi-Oh, did they?"

After opening several doors, grumbled to himself about being unable to find something, he opened a door marked "Mobile Lodgings". A train station with a set of tracks was on the other side, and a train was chugging its way straight towards the door. He shut it quickly before it could reach them.

"Nnnnyeh! Why can't I find my bedroom!" Joey shouted, suddenly dropping Umberina so he could throw his hands up in anger. "I am now experiencing rage...rage of the Brooklyn variety!"

"I can help you look," Umberina blurted out.

"Nyeh? That thing can talk?"

"Uh, I mean—Umbreon," She said quickly.

"Nyeh, now I'm really losing it. Wait… is that it right there?"

He walked a small ways backwards, peeking in a doorway labelled "Nyeh Nyeh's NYYYEH Nyeh".

"Yep. This is it."

He led her inside, John discretely following as Joey shut the door behind them. A queen-sized bed was in the center of the room, taking up most of the space there. Playing cards, wads of American and Chinese currency, and fast food containers littered the floor of the room. Yu-Gi-Oh posters had been hung up on the walls, alongside an empty shelf marked "Duelist Trophies" and a whiteboard to-do list, on which currently read "To-do: Throw away that dog costume I still have in my closet."

He layed on the gigantic bed, placing Umberina on the sheets beside him. The two of them layed on the bed, while John watched from below, desperately trying to climb the bedpost and failing.

"You remind me of the other strange creature we got here, just a week ago," Joey said, mostly to himself as he was not expecting her to actually reply. "They had the same ears like you do, and the same eye shape, but… they had orange and gray far, and kept saying 'Flareon'. A million times more adorable, frankly."

Umberina and John frowned, both vehemently disagreeing with him. However, they continued listening, hoping he would say more.

"Well, I should be getting to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day for us!"

He pulled the blankets over them and was soon snoring.

Umberina navigated her way out of the blankets and went to the far corner of the room to talk to John without being heard.

"Do you know why we came here?" She asked.

"No."

"I am trying to rescue my seven friends," She hastily explained. "Multiverse tourists captured them, and I don't know where they are."

John tried to think back and remember something from his education in "mythology". He had once thought that the pictures of the Eevee and their eight "eeveelutionary" forms had come from an artist's imagination. However, he now knew that the artist had been doing Realism.

"So who was Joey talking about?" John asked, breaking the silence. "Same ears, same eye shape, orange and gray fur..."

"That must be Rachrina, a Flareon and one of my friends," She said. "They must have been taken here."

John looked down at the floor. "They said something about putting us through a 'card development process'..."

Umberina's eyes widened and she started running around the room, looking at all of the cards on the floor.

"No… Wait..." He said.

But she didn't hear his tiny voice pleading. The sound waves that came from his vocal cords were so small that they could only be picked up by eardrums that were in close proximity to it.

After she had turned over all of the cards in the room without finding anything of note, she settled down again and looked to John. She was ready to listen now.

"They also said something about auctioning them off to the highest bidder."

Umberina sighed sadly.

"They're gone. They're really gone," She said sadly. "We have got to get out of this room."

"But how?"

Umberina looked up and saw a CD player on the top shelf. She eyed the cases of discs next to it, and she started to smile.

"Let's make some noise."

She took a disc and put it into the player while John turned on the power and turned up the volume. The thudding electric beat pounded through the house, causing Joey to stir in his sleep. He was even more surprised, however, when he heard his own voice, singing, from very close by.

"I wanna duel them like they do in Yu-Gi-Oh! Face up, face down, trap cards, spell cards..."

Joey jumped up from the bed in horror. "Yugi, help! The ghost of my evil clone is back!" He ran out of the room, covering his ears as he went down the hall.

John looked up at her in surprise. "Nice pick," He said. He held up his fist for her to bump, but she just stared at it blankly.

"Never mind," He said, noticing the open door. "Let's get outta here."

John rode on the back of Umberina while she searched for sales records from the auctions in an office she found. The moon cast light onto her from outside of an open window, making her black fur glimmer and the yellow circles on her skin glow a little brighter as she became filled with energy.

John quickly became disinterested watching her sift through the many drawers of papers, and there wasn't much he could do anyway at this size, so he occupied himself with trudging through her forest of fur. After a few minutes of travelling blindly, he poked his head up above to see where he was going, and realized he had almost walked right off the edge of her bushy tail.

Her tail swung back and forth slowly, not enough to throw him off, but just enough to be a potential danger. He held onto her tail tightly so he wouldn't fall down.

There was no questioning it. No matter which way he looked at it, she was the girl of his dreams. Sure, she might be a million times larger than him, and she wasn't even a human, but he didn't care. His love had no shame. The only question was, did she love him back?

"Found it!"

John ran back to the front of her body, taking a good look at what Umberina had found.

"See, here's the note," She continued, pointing to a line on the spreadsheet. "One registered Flareon, female, sold for 20 million...something...to 'Kaiba Corp'."

"Well, at least we've got some details to go on now," John said.

"Yeah," Qumbrina said sadly. "But we don't know where that is. And we need to have a plan besides just walking in and saying, 'Howdy, we arrived, please release our friends.'"

"Good point," John said, thinking for a moment. "I'm sure we'll think of something by the time we get there."

"Oh, I know! I can't believe I didn't think of this earlier!" She said. "We should—"

"Don't say it!" John said, gesturing towards the fourth wall. "An unspoken plan is more likely to work."

"What? Where did you hear that from?"

"I don't know. Just a hunch."

"Whatever you say," The Umbreon said, heading out of the room to look at the doors.

After a few minutes, they found a door labelled "The Rich Snob Office". Umberina stood on her back legs to open it, leaving it open just a crack. After they had fully prepared for the encounter, she nudged the door open the rest of the way, and they stepped through.

* * *

 **A/N - Wow wow, the story has now truly begun. Stay tuned for Part 2 of the Yu-Gi-Oh universe.**


	4. A Children's Card Game

Chapter 4: A Children's Card Game

A midget walked through the doors of the Kaiba Corporation. They adjusted their coat nervously as they walked up to the front desk. The receptionist greeted them solemnly, not smiling at all.

"Hi, could I see your leader please?"

"Hmm? You mean Kaiba?"

"Yes, that's the human."

The receptionist raised an eyebrow. "Do you have an appointment?"

"No."

"Did you think you could just skip inside and go see him without one?"

"Yes."

"Well, too bad!" The receptionist shouted. "I hate people who can skip, because I can't do it myself!"

The receptionist picked up the scrawny old man, causing the jacket covering their face to slip off and land on the floor. They realized that they had not been talking to an old man, or even a man at all. They had been speaking to a female Umbreon.

"Well, I have a surprise too," The receptionist said. They pulled their clothes off and ripped off their face, revealing it had just been a mask. They were not who they appeared to be, either. "I'm Kaiba."

Umberina seemed slightly surprised, but she didn't miss a beat. "Kaiba, I've come to—"

"I know why you're here," He said, holding up a card from his deck. A picture of a Flareon had been printed on one side of it, their face stuck into an eternal frown.

Umberina reached for the card, and Kaiba let her. However, her paw only grasped at empty air. She had been tricked.

"I love holograms," Kaiba said happily, putting the tiny emitter back into his pocket. "By the way, I made a new hologram system today."

"Who cares?"

"Help me test it, and I just might give you your friend back."

"Test it with what?"

"Why, a children's card game, of course," He said. "There are no other games in the universe besides this one card game. If you win, I'll let your friend go. If I win—"

Umberina gulped.

"—you'll have to stay here forever."

Umberina growled in dismay. But she had no choice. "I accept. Let's begin the two-on-one game."

"Good," Kaiba said happily, then suddenly frowned. "Wait. What do you mean, two-on-one?"

Kaiba gritted his teeth as he put down a spell card and ended his turn. He couldn't believe he was getting his ass kicked by a man too small to even physically reach his ass.

John played his turn next. He pulled a heavy card out of the giant apparatus, looked at the other ones on the tray, and put a monster down in attack position.

"Mega Ultra Awesome Green Eyes Red Dragon go!" He shouted enthusiastically. "Attack the rich snob's life points directly!"

The AI-powered dragon hologram understood immediately and blasted a beam of projected light at Kaiba, which somehow knocked down by this hologram. He got up in horror, seeing he had been knocked down to 1 life point.

"It's over," Umberina said.

"It's not over 'til the fat lady sings," Kaiba said. "I reveal my trap card."

"But you didn't have a trap card a moment ago."

"I do now!" He shouted as it magically appeared on the battlefield. "This card is called 'Destroy All Opposing Monsters'. Just in case the title doesn't make it obvious, it can actually destroy all of the mosters that are opposing me. You know, as in all of the monsters that are not owned by me. As in, the ones that are—"

"Just play it!"

"Fine!"

The colorful dragon and a magican girl exploded from the inside, screaming in pain as virtual blood and gore fell to the ground, coating the battlefield in disgusting liquids. After writhing in pain for another minute, they finally died, and their bodies disappeared.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" He said. "These new holograms will be the best thing in existence since… since the last model of hologram I released."

The arrogant rich snob then blew up, or rather, knocked down by another hologram.

"I play my revealed card," Umberina said.

"You don't have one," Kaiba said, looking worried.

"I do now!"

"But you can't make cards appear out of nowhere!" Kaiba said, sounding extremely hypocritical. "That's against the rules!"

"SCREW THE RULES!" Umberina shouted. "I STEAL CATCHPHRASES!"

Another projected light came at him, and the match ws over. He winced in pain as he went down one point in damage. The holograms faded away, and the blood disappeared. While he was laying on the floor, pretending to be hurt, Umberina took the real card containing her friend and started to run.

"Wait!" Kaiba groaned. "You don't know how to get them out of the card!"

Umberina turned around, huffing quietly. She came back to him slowly, trying to sense whether or not this was a trap.

He got up and took the card back, moving over to a machine that had an insert on it. He flipped a switch on the machine to set its function to reverse.

He slid the card into the machine. There was a loud, beeping noise, then a sound that resembled paper ripping. Umberina nearly throttled him, thinking that he had killed her friend. However, the card came back out a moment later, completely blank.

"You'll find them in the next room," He said, pointing the way they came in from. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to have a nice long talk with the author and how they portrayed this chapter."

He walked out of the room and disappeared without giving either of them a chance to thank him, or to curse at him for that matter. John mounted Umberina, and they headed back into the front room.

The lobby was cold and silent, just as it had been earlier. However, the dark room was now being lit by a small flaming pile of paperwork. It was a Flareon, but not just any Flareon. It was Rachrina, and she was free.

"Umberina!" The Flareon shouted.

"Rachrina!" The Umberon shouted.

"You're okay!" They shouted in chorus.

They moved close to hug each other. The jerky movement shocked John, causing him to slip off Umberina's head and land right in Rachrina's warm paws.

"What's this?" Rachrina asked, her voice crackling like a campfire. "It's like a human… but way smaller."

"This is John, a man I met in Lilliput," Umberina quickly explained. "Everyone else was gone, so..."

"What do you mean, everyone?"

"Everyone else except us. The entire Eeveelution Sisterhood has been captured and split between universes."

"I didn't know everyone was gone," Rachrina said. "I only thought that Waterina was missing."

"Where is she?"

"I don't know," Rachrina said sadly. "The only clue was that they were in a world which was composed entirely out of squares."

"Minecraft?" John offered helpfully.

"No. Well, it could be," She said. "But I was thinking of somewhere else. Somewhere a little different."

* * *

 **A/N - Thanks for reading this far. Tune in next week to see the next universe they visit. Be sure to leave a review before you depart!**


	5. Super Lost Sisters

Chapter 5: Super Lost Sisters

They materialized into the new world, taking a moment to look around. The space they were in was very wide, but the ground was very small. It consisted merely of several tiny plaforms, all leading forward along a two-dimensional path.

A tiny brown thing with two feet walked towards them, then stopped in horror as they realized who had showed up. Rachrina grinded her throat and spat out a small fireball to deal with him, but he was too quick. He ran away as fast as he could, jumping over a green pipe and disappearing to sound the alarm.

"What an odd place."

Rachrina looked up and noticed a glowing block was floating above her. It was decorated with question marks on all sides of it and held together with tiny bolts in each corner. She jumped up and punched the block, causing it to disappear and let a mushroom fall onto her.

She ate the mushroom, and John watched in amazement as she grew to become even bigger. From Umberina's view, however, she had only grown a few inches taller, just enough to reach over the large green pipe directly ahead of them.

"This place is fun!" The hot Flareon said as they climbed on top of the pipe. "Come on, Umberina!"

Umberina hesitated for a second, then followed. John held on tight as Umberina cleared the entire pipe in one jump, reaching where Rachrina had been waiting. A few blocks below them, a group of creatures similar to the one they had chased away were making some sort of plan by drawing things on an oversized touchscreen.

"Okay. We already know they're Fire and Dark-type, which we are not ready to defend against. We're going to need reinforcements that can counter them effectively with buckets of water and spotlights. Then, we'll position some Bullet Bill launchers like this..."

Their well-laid plans were interrupted by the two eeveelution sisters landing on the ground right in front of them with two loud thumps.

"Hi. Die."

Rachrina grinded her throat again and spewed out more fireballs. The flaming projectiles burned half of the goombas and sent the other half running as fast as their pathetically-tiny feet could carry them. She watched them flee in fear and laughed loudly, causing John's ears to ring.

"Can I carry John for a while?" She suddenly asked.

"Sure, if it's okay with him," Umberina said.

John nodded. What else would he have done? He couldn't exactly say no to a fire-breathing monster a million times bigger than him.

There was a dizzying transfer of property, and John found himself perched on Rachrina's head. Her orange fur crackled like fire, radiating warmth from her body right into his. She looked up at him, smiling.

Standing on top of this secondliving landform made him realize how little control he held over his free will now. He was lucky that these two liked him enough to keep him around. If he had tried to befriend any other creature, they probably would have popped him in their mouth, swallowed him, and never given him another thought. Hopefully, that wasn't going to happen… Hopefully.

After walking for a bit, they found another question mark block. This time, Umberina punched the block and got the mushroom. She grew in size just like Rachrina had earlier. Now the two of them were the same size again.

Without warning, Rachrina ran forward and made a humongous leap over a giant chasm between plaforms. John was blown backwards by the moving air, having to clutch onto the edge of their ear to prevent themselves from falling away. She touched down on the other side, and Umberina came over right after.

"Can you trade me back?" He asked as politely as he could manage.

"No."

They continued on their journey, and soon after, the eeveelution sisters (and John) came to the end of the path. A tall flag pole was directly in frontof them, and a castle was just beyond it.

Umberina pulled on the string, causing a black flag to be raised high into the air. They then headed past it and entered the castle. A strange cross between a mushroom and a man was standing inside, their back turned to them as they dusted off a painting.

"I already told you, Luigi. Your brother is in another galaxy," They said without turning around.

"Who's Luigi?"

The mushroom man turned around and saw them. Their face showed both confusion and fear.

"Who the frick are you?!" He shouted at them. "You're modders coming to wreck the castle again, aren't you?!"

"No," Umberina said. "We're legit."

"We're just looking for our missing sister," Rachrina added.

The man frowned. "Sorry to say this, but you might as well call the search off and declare them dead."

Umberina frowned as well.

"Nobody ever escapes from Bowser's castle alive."

"Who's Bowser?"

"Ugghh…" The man groaned. "Where have you been for the past four months?!"

"In another universe," Rachrina said. "You'll have to explain everything, fast."

"Okay, I'll explain everything. This place is the Mushroom Kingdom, which consists of a bunch of islands in the middle of a wide open sea. It is populated by mushroom people, and is fought over by two rules: Bowser, a giant spiny turtle with an army of evil creatures at his side, and a king whose name I don't remember right now."

"Continue," Umberina said.

"Mario and Luigi, two plumbers from Brooklyn..."

"Brooklyn again," John muttered.

"...always fought Bowser to save Princess Peach and return her to the king. However, a few days ago, Princess Peach disappeared by herself into outer space. Mario went after her by himself and never returned, leaving Bowser unchallenged and free to pillage across the entirity of the Mushroom Kingdom."

"Get to the point," Rachrina said.

"Then, a few months ago, strange people started showing up. We never knew who they were or where they came from, so we just called them 'modders'. They pillage and destroy both us and Bowser's army, killing in 'funny' ways that appeal to their twisted aaaaaah..."

The brick floor of the clastle below him had disappeared without warning, and he plunged screaming into the endless emptiness. Then the rest of the castle was broken apart by a giant hand, and everyone else fell down as well.

Everything surrounding them went to black, and they felt numb. Was this the end of the line? Was it all over?

A large white "3" appeared in the blackness, then transformed into a "2". The darkness and numbness disappeared, and they were back at the platform at the beginning.

"What just happened?" John asked. "Did anyone else see that?"

"Everyone did, silly," Rachrina said.

"But we don't know what it meant," Umberina added.

The creature from before came at them and once again stopped in shock.

"Oh, hello there!" Rachrina said. "Can you tell us about the modders?"

The creature frowned. "I don't want to."

Rachrina reached out and pinned the creature under her foot.

"No! No! Please don't!" The creature shouted. "If you squish me, I'll die instantly!"

"Then talk," Rachrina said.

"The...the modders… are beings from other universes… that want to wage war against us. We don't know why they want to fight, but we do know that they won't stop until everyone is dead. We can't even see most of them, for crying out loud!" The creature said. "But it can all end."

"Really? How?" Umberina asked.

"Leave! Just leave us!" The creature said, a tear falling down from one of their eyes. "The exit is over there! Just go through it!"

"What exit?"

They all turned around to see a giant hand pick up The Gate and carry it off. Another hand appeared and tapped on the tiles of ground, making them disappear. It was heading right towards the ones they were standing on.

"Actually, forget what I said!" The crying creature continued. "Just leave me and run!"

Rachrina let go of him, and they did as he said. They ran for their lives, moving back along the familiar path of the bricks.

* * *

 **A/N - I don't know what to say here. I should probably delete this, but I'm not going to.**


	6. Rachrina's Run

Chapter 6: Rachrina's Run

"How are we going to get out of here now?" John asked.

"I don't know, John," Rachrina said, continuing to run at high speed along a rapidly-disappearing platforrm. She jumped over a large green pipe, and Umberina followed right behind.

"Run, you fools!" Rachrina shouted at the crowd of squishy brown creatures on the other side. "Modders are coming!"

The creatures didn't listen to them at first, so they just ran past and left them in the dust. When they saw the pipe and the ground below it disappear, however, they took a hint.

Rachrina and Umberina jumped over the giant gap in the world again. This time, however, Rachrina had made sure to properly secure John before they were up in the air. They came down again on the other side, and John breathed a sigh of relief. The castle was just up ahead.

They entered the castle and found the mushroom man again, dusting the other painting this time.

"I already told you, Luigi. Your brother is in another gala—"

"We're not Luigi," Umberina said.

The mushroom man turned around and looked panicked for a second. Then they smiled. "Oh right. It's you."

"How do we get out of here?" Umberina said.

"Well, back in the good old days, we would wait for a player to press the A button and advance everyone to the next level manually, but now we don't have the luxury to wait around, what with a war going on and all," He said. "Go through that door to get to the next level. And make it quick."

They ran towards the door he had pointed to, but it was too late. The castle crumbled into pieces as giant hands ripped through it, leaving nothing left except for a single small platform just long enough for Umberina and Rachrina to stand on. This tiny platform was all that was left of the sprawling 2D world that had once been all around them.

"What do we do now?" John asked.

"Jump," Umberina said.

"Jump," Rachrina said.

They both jumped down into the endless void, taking John along for the ride. All was dark and everyone was numb once more as a giant 3-dimensional "2" appeared. It then changed into a "1". The number disappeared as the darkness receded, and they were back. The plaform was exactly as it was, complete with The Gate that would let them out.

"Let's get out of here," Umberina said. "We'll come back later if we need to."

"Okay," Rachrina said.

The brown creature walked forward and saw the two familiar faces departing the way they came: through The Gate, off to an unknown destination.

"Wait!" The creature shouted. "Take me with you!"

He ran towards The Gate, but it was too late. A giant hand picked him up and carried him out into the endless air. He was dropped down on another plaform a long ways away, where buzzsaws were moving towards him and lava plumes were shooting out in every direction. He didn't know which one hit him first, but no matter what, he was doomed.

Farewell world, He thought. And I hope that those three succeed in finding those that are dear to them.

He was dark and numb. The number zero appeared, along with two words that meant the end of the line for him.

GAME OVER

"Are you sure about him?"

"Yes, I'm positive he's not going to be a problem."

John sat up, listening more closely as they slid down the cross-universal slide. Were the two gargantuan eeveelution sisters talking about him?

"You know what happened the last time you let a man into our presence."

"He's different, R. He's just so small and harmless, he wouldn't be able to cause anyone any trouble even if he tried."

"Nonsense. The small ones are always the most perverted of the bunch."

Umberina sighed. There would be no convincing her. Rachrina was always steadfast in her opinions of things, and it would be useless to continue attempting to argue. Maybe when they found the others, they could talk some sense into her and let John stay with them.

John layed down, pretending to be asleep so Umberina wouldn't realize he had been listening. He closed his eyes, and they all went down the long slide, heading towards a new and strange destination.

John looked around and found himself in an empty white void. Everyone else was gone. It was just him and the emptiness.

"Hello?" He shouted into the emptiness.

"Umm… Hi," A voice replied back.

John gawked. That wasn't an echo. That meant there was someone else here. Maybe they could rescue him!

"Can you get me out of here?" He shouted.

"I'm... really sorry... about this," The voice replied. "I'm… I'm… I'm very nervous about people, that's all."

"What does that mean?" John shouted. "Who are you?"

"I… I… I can't do this!" The voice suddenly shouted. "Goodbye! I'll... see you... later!"

"No! Wait!"

There was a flash of light, and John woke up.

* * *

 **A/N - Dun dun duuun! What is going to happen next? Come back soon to find out.**

 **WARNING - The next chapters of this story are going to be where that "disturbing content" I mentioned in the description is going to begin. Said content may or may not involve torture, cannibalism, and reptilian anomalies, so viewer discretion is advised.**

 **No, I'm not joking.**

 **If you are enjoying this story (or enjoy hating it), please leave a review so I can make improvements in the future. Thanks!**


	7. A Very Verifiably Vast Vertical Voyage

Chapter 7: A Very Verifiably Vast Vertical Voyage To Rescue A Vaporeon

"Where are we now?"

They had just teleported into what appeared to be some sort of space station. However, it wasn't anything like how they would have expected a space station to look. It was too colorful. The walls were painted in stripes of yellow and whites, and there were sharp red spikes sticking out of the floors and ceiling in a rather dangerous-looking fashion.

"I don't know," Umberina said, looking out a window and across a sparse landscape towards the sky. It was full of stars, but there was no moon, so the small dots of white light were the only natural lights coming into the building.

"Well, let's find out," John said, jumping off her. To his surprise, however, he kept on going up and landing on the ceiling, barely missing falling into the spikes up there. "Oh my G-O-S-H!"

The behemoths looked up at him, puzzled for a moment. Then Umberina pushed off the floor and landed on the ceiling beside him. Rachrina followed soon afterwards.

"This place has got some weird stuff going on," She said. "Who would ever live in a place like this?"

There was a tapping of feet in another room, which made them all pause. Someone else was here in the station with them, and it sounded like they were nearby. Then a few moments later, they heard a horrible scream that echoed through the halls and rattled the windows. Then more shuffling around, and another ear-splitting scream. They ran towards the sound and flipped down a shaft to see what was happening.

On a small plaform a few tiles in front of them, a cyan-colored stick figure flipped gravity, moving upwards into a larger shaft and entering a room above filled with lots and lots of spikes. They touched one of the spikes, which caused them to scream loudly. They flashed red and cyan for a few seconds, then disappeared completely. They reappeared at the platform, standing in front of a small glass dome marked with a "C".

They were about to flip up again when everyone revealed themselves by saying "How do you do?"

The cyan stick figure took one look at them and screamed, "Oh my gosh! Aliens! Two eldritch horrors! Help me!"

"We're not aliens," Rachrina said bitterly. "And if you keep using that word, then we're going to have a problem. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Besides," Umberina said, "out of any eldritch horrors you've seen, we would probably be the least horrifying."

"Good point," The cyan-colored stick figure said. "My name's Viridian. It's a pleasure."

"I've got one question for you, Viridian," Rachrina said. "Why do you keep killing yourself? Like, do you hate life that much, or…?"

Viridian looked at them and sighed. "Do you understand a single thing about this place?"

"No. We just arrived a few minutes ago."

"We are visiting to search for someone."

Viridian raised one of his nonexistent eyebrows. "I'm looking for someone, too. Maybe we can help each other."

"Okay."

"But why do you keep flipping into those spikes?" Umberina said, looking up the shaft. "They can't be up there… can they?"

"You're right. They're not up there at all," Viridian admitted. "There's a shiny trinket at the top of this death course and I'm trying to get it."

"Seriously?" Rachrina asked. "You're trying to grab a treasure instead of rescuing your friend?"

"No," Viridian said defensively, then admitted, "Well, yes. I'm actually searching for the crew of my entire ship, the D.S.S. Souleye. This is the second-to-last one of the bunch."

"Huh," Umberina said. "We are looking for the missing members of a group as well."

"Why aren't the others helping you?"

Viridian suddenly flipped up into the hole above and dodged the spikes, going up into the next room. It seemed like he had made it up when they heard a distant scream as he hit spikes a few rooms above. He reappeared back at the bottom.

"Is there a limit to that thing?"

"Nope," Viridian said happily, his smile still remaining unchanged. "These are the checkpoints that keep on giving. I recommend you find some for yourselves."

"Otherwise, we die for real when we touch the spikes."

"Exactly," Viridian said. "There should be a checkpoint somewhere neraby. Where you can find one for your other companion is on you."

"Thanks," Umberina said, heading out of the room and moving towards the checkpoint. It was domed and translucent like the previous one. A "C" floated on the inside, turning around and around as everyone stared at the dimmed device.

"Do we really need to find more of these?" Rachrina asked.

"Yes, we do," Umberina said. "And I think John should get this one."

"Why?" Rachrina asked. "Why are you putting that filthy thing's life before ours?"

Umberina looked offended. "He is not a filthy thing!" She said, still trying to defend John. "He's small, and weak, and he hasn't done a thing to hurt anyone."

"You're right," Rachrina suddenly said. "It's hard to be afraid of food." She grabbed John with her teeth and sucked him into her mouth.

Umberina's face paled considerably as she was filled with feelings of horror and betrayal. "What are you doing?"

"Admiring his taste."

"Spit him out!"

"But U..."

"NOW!"

Rachrina spit John onto the floor. Tiny bones all throughout him broke as he impacted against the hard floor far below. He groaned in pain, attempting to move his arms to wipe off the saliva covering every part of him, but he was unable to. He couldn't move at all.

"Now look what you've done!" Umberina said. "He's going to die now!"

Rachrina rolled her eyes and touched the checkpoint, causing it to glow. Umberina sat looking at the tiny crying man on the floor, wondering how she was going to get him off the floor. She didn't exactly have any opposable thumbs to help pick things up with.

Then an idea came to her. She knew a way to get him up off the ground, but he wouldn't like it. She had to do it, though.

"I'm really sorry," She said to him. "I have to do this."

Before he could ask her what she was planning to do, she reached down and gently picked him up with her mouth. Unlike Rachrina, however, she was being gentle and careful. She had no intentions of hurting him. She just hoped he knew that.

She gently tossed him a few feet into the air, and as she did she moved her head down for the catch. He landed in her soft black fur on the top of her head, and was still.

"Thank you," He murmured. Then he was silent.

She would get him healed later. In the meantime, they had checkpoints to find.

When they came back to the shaft, Viridian was still waiting for them there.

"You got checkpoints? Good. Hold on to me so I can teleport you back to my ship."

They waited a few moments as Viridian fiddled around with something or another. There was a crackling flash of energy that spread between the four of them, and they were gone.

They reappeared in front of a large round teleporter in a cyan-and-white striped room. They walked across the ship and ended up in a room with red bricks.

"Good morning, Viridian," A red stickfigure said, drinking a Delicious Piping Hot Hot™. "Who are the newcomers?"

"Newcomers, this is Vermilion. Vermilion, thse are newcomers," Viridian said. "I don't really know their names."

"Well, let's all get to know each other!" Vermilion said. "I'll get you some Delicious Piping Hot Hots™ and we can tell each other what's been going on."

They told them everything. Time passed.

"So let me get this straight," Viridian said, sipping their Delicious Piping Hot Hot™. "You're looking for your sisters across the multiverse, and they all happen to be ladies of different species?"

"Ummm… yes."

"Damn, your world sounds like quite the place," Vermilion said. "Maybe we can visit you sometime."

"We would be glad to help you find your friend if you can find ours," Viridian repeated. "We know where they are, but we can't get in because there's too many spikes."

Umberina, Rachrina, and John walked over to the teleporter. It flashed once, then twice, then thrice, and they were gone.

They reappeared on the sparse land in between the ship and the space staition, looking down a tunnel carved into the side of the landscape. It was utterly filled with spikes on all sides of it, stretching back for at least several blocks of space.

"We cannot possibly get in here," Umberina said. However, she put John down and tried anyway. Then she tried again. And again, and again, and again.

Rachrina approached him, and he looked up at her fearfully. However, she just smiled at him.

"Sorry about what happened back there."

John didn't respond. He was watching Umberina attempt the tunnel again and again. Finally, he turned to her.

"What's your problem with me, anyhow?" He said, slightly angrily. "What did I ever do to you?"

"Nothing. That's why I'm apologizing," She said. "But do you know how good you taste?"

John groaned and attempted to get away, but he could barely move his legs. He had been healed by the checkpoint's magic, but he was still pretty weak. He would have absolutely no chance of getting away if she decided to try anything.

"Hey, I haven't heard any screaming for a couple minutes now," Rachrina said, quickly changing the subject. "I think Umberina got in."

They took a closer look down the long tunnel of spikes, and sure enough, Umberina was standing on the other side. She was waiting for them, tapping one of her feet just like humans would do when they got impatient. However, it didn't quite have the same effect.

After John more closely examined them, he realized that the gaps between the spikes were big enough that he could just weave his way through them. Sure, it was still difficult to walk, but with enough effort, he made it all the way to the other side. He was safe from the psychopath… for now.

Rachrina, not being one for acrobatics, charged up the fire pouch inside of her throat and let it all out in a single blast, melting the spikes into a single large puddle of red… something. None of them knew what spikes were made of, and they didn't care. Regardless, they were all going to be melting pretty soon.

And melt they did. They went through the rooms at record speed, Rachrina melting every single spike they came across and leaving red puddles on the floor and the ceiling. In no time at all, they had cleared the entire zone and reached they end of the course. A purple stick figure waited there, standing alongside a Vaporeon.

"Oh, hello!" The purple stick figure said, wiping tears away from their eyes. "Did you bring lollipops?"

"No, sorry. But we did come to rescue you."

"I'm so glad to see you again, Waterina!" Umberina said, hugging their fishy friend after the end of their long journeys to meet each other.

After their reunion, they all headed out together as one, heading back out through the course. It was easier this time around without the danger of spikes hanging over everyone's head, and they made it out at an even quicker speed. They found a large round teleporter outside and the purple stick figure—who said her name was Victoria—activated it, sending them back to the ship. Victoria was returned safe and sound to the D.S.S. Souleye, and her rescuers were teleported back to the space station, where The Gate would take them to the next universe.

They went through the inter-universal gate, the four of them sliding down the glass slide as they headed towards their next destination. John took this time between dimensions to rest. He was slightly worried about what the future held, but he wasn't going to let it trouble him too much. This was the most excitement he had ever experienced in his entire life, and he was already 26 years old.

He would only have an adventure like this once in his whole life, he thought to himself. You have to enjoy it to its fullest.

 _No matter the cost._

John's eyes widdened. That voice… it had sounded just like the one he had heard in his dream.

"Who are you?" He called out.

But there was no response. He was alone here, laying in Umberina's fur.

 _You are not alone._

He looked around for the voice, but he could not tell where it was coming from. Were they above him? Were they below him? Were they behind him? He just couldn't see anything.

 _You have to trust me. I will explain everything soon. Just wait until I—_

There was a sudden flash of light, and everything went bright white.

* * *

 **A/N - Intense, huh? I hope it wasn't too much.**

 **I'll take a break from the main viewpoint next chapter, and give you a little peek of what's to come.**


	8. Meanwhile In The Multiverse

Chapter 8: Meanwhile In The Multiverse

Meanwhile in the multiverse, a Leafeon pawed at the locked door of their cell, wanting to be free and knowing that it was hopeless to even try. Why had she let herself been captured so easily? She should have done something… she should have tried to resist them…

But she couldn't. She was a pacifist. It didn't feel right to try and fight them. Besides, they were well-armed. She wouldn't have been able to fight her way out of there even if she had tried, so what was the point?

She took another look around the cell, as if hoping that something would have appeared while she was looking away. However, the room was still just as empty as it had been a moment ago. No bed, no toilet, no window… not even an air vent she could try to escape through. There were only the security cameras in each corner of the room, watching and recording her as she moved about the room.

She finally stopped pawing the door and layed down on the cold concrete floor, putting her paws over her eyes in despair. She only hoped that no one else in the sisterhood would be foolish enough to come for her.

Meanwhile in the multiverse, a Glaceon thought long and hard, attempting to figure out what was going on. The place she was in was a strange one, and it made absolutely no sense at all. She was underground, and somehow it was snowing. The two living skeletons who had taken her called themselves monsters, and yet they were extremely kind to her.

And of course, there was the other one. The strange one, the only human here for some strange reason. Tristin. He walked toward her, setting a bowl of water on the table next to her as she scribbled notes and made calculations on a sheet of paper.

"Thanks for the water," She said to the strange man, taking a break from her work to lap at the surface of the cold, refreshing water.

"No problem. I'm just glad to have an appearance," Tristin said. "The author forgot to include me in the Yu-Gi-Oh chapter, so now I'm in Snowdin for some reason. I don't even know how I got here or why I would ever be here, story-wise."

She rolled her eyes. Yep. He was definitely the weird one.

"Well, I better be going now," Tristin said. "Thanks for the cameo!"

The Glaceon licked the remaining drops of water off her face and resumed her calculations. She had to get The Gate working again fast, or nobody would ever get in or out of here ever again.

Meanwhile in the multiverse, a Jolteon awakened from a long sleep. She looked around, wondering where she was. She appeared to be laying on a bed in some sort of human hotel room. She blinked and rubbed her eyes, trying to figure out what was going on.

The room suddenly shook, as if an earthquake had just swept through the area. Tiny spiderwebs of cracks went up the walls, and a horrible snap sounded from outside the room. There was a sudden weird sensation, as if the entire room was somehow falling through a wide, empty space, and then a crunch as they slammed into something long and hard. The floor broke apart, revealing the ceiling of a room below, which also broke apart, and they fell into it.

The walls were blinding white on almost every side, except for a few squares here and there, which were the opposite, a contrasting blackness that was just as hard to look at. After a time, however, her eyes adjusted to her jarring monochromatic surroundings, and she was able to see properly again.

"Welcome," A voice boomed over a PA system, "to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center."

The Jolteon shivered as two black panels slid away into the walls to reveal an arched doorway with a blue stick figure on one side of it. A circle in the center of the door spun around, and the two doors moved horizontally, revealing a tunnel made of black panels on the other side.

"Please proceed into the chamberlock," The voice said. "We are now ready to begin testing."

* * *

 **A/N - This chapter was fun to write. That's all I'm going to say about it. It's short, too. You waste less time scrolling down an extremely long page of fanfiction and spend more of your time reading the story that's actually on it. I might do more short things like these; I don't know. It might improve the reading experience.**

 **WARNING! As I have mentioned in the last few chapters, disturbing stuff is up ahead! The worst of it will be over by the next two story upload. I hope But be prepared for a possibly-meaningless subplot filled with what may or may not be angst starting directly in Chapter 9. You have been warned...**


	9. Stupid Cruel People Foundation

Chapter 9: Stupid Cruel People Foundation

Umberina looked around in horror. She knew this place, and it was bad. She didn't want to stay here, and yet she didn't want to leave this place. It was one of the most dangerous places to be visiting in the whole multiverse, and that made it a likely place for one of her friends to be.

She heard a small click and realized she had stepped right into a tripwire. Alarms sounded off in the building ahead of them, alerting the cruel people inside to their presence.

"You fool!" Rachrina shouted at her. "They'll get us for sure now!"

Waterina's fur rippled like ocean waves as they communicated to their friends by making signals with their paws.

"You're right," Umberina replied. "There's always a chance we can get away. Right?"

The front doors of the buildings opened, and an entire task force burst out of the building, wearing hazmat suits and carrying assault rifles.

"Wrong," Rachrina said. "Run!"

As they ran from the armed forces, Umberina sighed. They would never be able to escape. They never should have even thought about coming here. This was the place that every multi-versal traveller feared.

The SCP Foundation.

John struggled to open his eyes. "Where are we?"

He got one of them open at last and saw himself floating through a cloudy sky, literally free of any burdens. He strained to open his other eye and knew he wasn't imagining this. He was really floating through the sky, without a cloud to walk on or anything. Had he died and gone to heaven?

He turned around and saw someone approaching him from behind. As they got closer to him, the black silhoutte of their form was lit up by the sun, and they revealed themselves to be an Eevee. Unlike the eeveelutions, however, this cute four-legged creature was closer to his own size.

"Hi!" The Eevee said. "I'm ready to explain everything now."

He stood there, gaping in shock. Was this the being who had been talking to them, first in the dream of the void, and then on the slide between dimensions?

John looked around in bewilderment, now extremely confused. "What did you do? Where is everyone? How did you make us float?"

The eevee giggled slightly. "You're imagining this, silly. Every bit of it. You're trapped in your own mind." They paused for dramatic effect. "But don't worry. I'll be glad to help you out."

John raised his eyebrows. "What are you, and how did you get here?"

They slowed down and descended a bit, landing on one of the clouds hanging below.

"My name is Juanrina," They said. "You can think of me as… your little brain buddy. You do the physical stuff, and I'll do the thinking. Thanks for teaching me everything you know."

While John was desperately attempting to take in what they said, they waved their paw in the air, causing a switchboard to appear on the other side. The top of it was labelled "Brain Controls I Guess (I Don't Even Know)". They tampered a bit with a few switches, then turned back to John.

"You need to wake up right now, though, so I'm going to make that happen, and I'll explain more afterwards. You're going to hear me in your thoughts. Don't freak out."

John nodded. Juanrina flicked one last switch on the board, and everything disappeared.

Qumbrina grumbled, looking mildly disconcerted on the outside, but on the inside she was seething with anger at having been captured by those stupid scientists. Her poison secretions had no effect against their Class-A Hazat Suits. These people had contingency plans for everything.

At John was still safe with her. She had kept him hidden so well that she could have passed even the most invasive of cavity searches. He was still there right now, safe and hidden until he woke up.

An employee walked into the room just outside her cell and sat down at a computer. They powered up the computer, opened up a database, and began typing.

 _ **Item #** : SCP-4312-MU_

 _ **Object Class** : Euclid_

 _ **Special Containment Procedures** : SCP-4312-MU should be kept in a holding cell at all times. It will be fed twice a day through a slot once we figure out what it eats. Anyone entering the cell must have Level 3 clearance, and should wear a Class-A hazmat suit at all times to avoid being afflicted by their poison secretions._

 _ **Description** : SCP-4312-MU is a moderately dangerous quadrupedal creature that superficially resembles a fox with tall rabbit-like ears. Its fur is black, except for certain parts of the skin, which are covered with yellow rings. It has these rings all across its body, and whenever people look at them, they immediately experience a feeling of fear. More research will be required to see if this is an anomalous effect._

 _It also has red eyes. I don't know if they do anything anomalous or anything, but they sure look #% & ing cool. Man, if this thing didn't sweat poison, I would just love to have this as a pet. It looks so adorable… but it's so deadly… (Note to self: edit all this out later! This isn't the LOLfoundation. Geez...)_

They clicked a button on the computer labelled "Save To Draft", logged out of their account, and left the room.

Umberina frowned. Is this what this place was? A prison for every strange and unusual thing they found in (or outside) the world? She had to find a way out of here.

She looked wildly about the room, searching for escape. There was nothing here to look at, except for a towel to sleep on and a litter box they expected her to use. Ridiculous. At last, her eyes alighted upon a ventilation grill, slightly loose at one end. Perfect!

She slipped through the loose end of it and walked away from the room that was her prison, heading down the dark metal tunnel towards freedom.

However, her freedom was short-lived. After only a few steps down the tunnel, the vent started to feel weak and wobbly. She rushed backwards in an attempt to get back to solid ground, but it was too late. The vent broke apart, going down through the ceiling of the floor below. She swung on the edge of the curving metal and finally had to let go. She soared through the air for a few seconds, only having time to notice she was heading towards the entryway into a cell marked "SCP-682". Then her body went through the wall, and her world was replaced with pain.

The sudden movements and loud noises caused John to awaken. He was laying on the floor beside some sort of artificial lake habitat. Umberina lay unmoving on the ground a few feet away from him, and shards of broken glass were scattered everywhere. What had happened while he was out?

 _Good question._

John narrowed his eyes. That hadn't been a dream. Juanrina, an Eevee, was living in his brain—no, their brain—and had just talked to him.

He tried to think a message back to them. [How long have you been here?]

 _Around the time you first began this adventure._ They thought honestly. _I've been working up the bravery to talk to you and finally reveal myself._

John sighed. Something was bugging him. He urgently had to get a question out of the way.

[Are you a man or a woman? I can't tell.]

 _That doesn't matter right now!_

[Tell me.]

 _But—_

[Tell me.]

 _I'm a man._

[Oh.]

 _Hmmm… So that's how you visualized me, huh? You pervert._

[Please! It's not what it looks li—]

Their thoughts were interrupted by a ripple—a large ripple—appearing on the surface of the lake. Then there was another ripple. And another. And then, a humongous splash drenched everyone in water as a gigantic reptilian creature rose out of the lake.

It looked at the broken hole in the wall and smiled. They were free to go. First, however, it had to check out the newcomers who had freed it from its long imprisionment. One of them was a black furry creature covered in glowing yellow circles—likely another prisoner of the SCP Foundation—and the other was a human—unusually small, but still just as ugly as they usually come, and very easy to eat.

It picked up the human, who began shrieking. The furry creature's long ears twitched slightly at the sound, but the rest of it did not move. The reptile resumed its meal, ripping the clothes off the miniature human so it could bite directly into the flesh—but mostly just to humiliate them right before death.

"Hey!"

John turned around to see who had shouted and was surprised to see Rachrina standing in the doorway. They glowed with a genuine fury as they stared fearlessly into the eyes of a reptile that was way bigger than him, and had way sharper teeth.

"Hey!" She shouted again. "Nobody gets to eat my best friend—except me!"

The scaly reptile smiled, finding their paradoxical phrase amusing. They lowered the writhing human, still naked, into her mouth.

"Well, I won't stop you," The reptile said, as if daring her to do something very foolish. "Go ahead and eat."

Rachrina felt extremely awkward. She hadn't actually planned anything else beyond this point. She looked down at John, who was hanging out of her mouth and shaking his tiny head no over and over. She looked at Umberina, who was still unconscious and couldn't be of any help at all. She looked at SCP-682, who appeared to be waiting eagerly to see if she would take their dare.

She made her choice. She took a big slurp and pulled the tiny writhing human into her mouth.

"Good. You really did it," John heard muffled from outside.

Her mouth was dripping wet with saliva, and her tongue moved seemingly of its own volition, searching for him in the dark cavern he was trapped in. Faint crackling noises and a slight smell of smoke emanated from her throat, where her "fire pouch" was somewhere far below, constantly generating an endless amount of fire so she could form it into shapes and spew it out at will. He shivered, moving into a saliva-filled gland under her tongue and rolling into a ball to get warm. This was a terrible idea.

Meanwhile, Rachrina strained and sweated as much as she could, trying to remain calm but still panicking. She couldn't hold John in her mouth for much longer. He had tasted like honey before, but now he was like a sweet nectar spread over Lum berries. She had to get out of here.

Finally, Umberina woke up. She stumbled about in a disoriented fashion, trying to figure out where she was and who she was with. "What happened? Where's John?"

"I ate him," Rachrina said. "We need to leave now. Bye, giant lizard!"

They left the room running and headed down the corner. As soon as they were around it and out of earshot, they dropped the act.

"That was a Very Foolish Decision to make," Umberina said. "We let that monster go, and now it's going to kill somebody… or a lot of somebodies."

Rachrina nodded. "Yeah. Sorry about that. Not much I could do."

"What happened while I was out?" Umberina said, remembering what R had said earlier. "What did you do to John?"

The Earth travelled twenty miles in its rotation around the poles as one second went by.

"The lizard has a taste for humans, and I had to pretend to eat John first," Rachrina said. "I've got him right… here. Uh-oh."

"What do you mean, 'Uh-oh'?" Umberina screamed, almost entering a craze.

"I accidentally swallowed him."

"YOU WHAT?!" Umberina stared at her with a skin-piercing stare of pure anger. She wished it actually could pierce skin, though, because then John would have had some chance of survival. "I am going to murder you!"

They heard footsteps and Waterina walked around the corner.

"Oh, thank goodness you're here!" Umberina said. "We've got a situation."

"I accidentally swallowed a very, very small human," Rachrina said. "You got any ideas?"

Waterina made quick signs with their paws. Everyone had become very familiar with Pokésign Language, so they understood her perfectly.

"You're going to turn into water… and pour yourself down my throat to rescue him?" Rachrina said, sounding shocked. "Would that even work?"

Waterina nodded, and they began to transform into living water.

"You better know what you're doing," Rachrina said, slurping down their friend as causually as if they had did this every evening prior when nobody else was awake to see them.

"Uh… Let's get moving," Umberina said, trying to unsee what had just happened. "We need to figure out if there's anyone here we need to rescue."

Rachrina nodded and followed her down the long hall of containment cells. She rubbed her soft warm underbelly in delight. It felt good to have two beings inside of her today as opposed to the usual amount of one. She ran to catch up with Umberina and they went around another corner.

John looked around his vibrating surroundings in dismay. He was surrounded on all sides by the wrinkly walls of Rachrina's stomach, which had started to contract around him in an attempt to begin the process of digestion. Corrosive juices sloshed down on him from above, irritating his skin briefly before falling off him and landing in the churning ocean beneath his feet. He was floating on a tiny crumb of food, trying his hardest not to slip off and fall into the sea of acid only a small ways below him.

[I'm in a real jam now, aren't I?]

 _I'm in danger, too. If your brain melts, then I'll melt with you._

[It doesn't matter. This is where it ends, isn't it?]

 _Will you just try to stay alive for a few more minutes?_

[It's pointless. I should just give up and let go now.]

 _If you do, then you will commit both suicide and murder._

[You're not real. It doesn't matter if you die or not, because you're just a figment of your imagination.]

 _If that's how you feel, then fine. You can be alone again. I don't care._

[No! Wait!]

There was no reply. John was all alone in Rachrina's stomach. The walls moved closer, getting towards the distance where they could crush him into nothingness. More corrosive juices poured down onto him, and he screamed in pain. When would this all be over?

There were several gulps from Rachrina, and a mass of water poured down from her throat to join him in the stomach. However, as he looked more closely, he realized there was something unusual about this water. It was… floating. The water condensed back into a solid form, and Waterina stood before him. She had come to rescue him.

He waited a few moments for her to put her escape plan into action, but nothing happened. She just stood there, and his heart sunk. There was no plan. She had just came here to comfort him before his death.

Waterina reached for his hand, and he took her paw. At least he didn't have to die alone.

A sudden strange feeling spread through him that made him feel tingly inside. When he looked down at himself, he was shocked to see he had transformed into a transparent, flowing liquid, and so had she. They jumped into the gastric juices, painlessly blending themselves into them. They slipped through the sphincter out of the stomach and entered the twisty maze of the intestines, peacefully cruising through the flowing body fluids.

This was her plan.

Umberina and Rachrina walked down the hall of cells, searching for anyone familiar. The numbers were all random, it seemed. SCP-049, SCP-2282, SCP-001… Each one contained an unusual thing that didn't make sense in the eyes of the Foundation. Who were these stupid cruel people to be the judge of that? She thought to herself. What did they know?

To their luck, they spotted Twigrina, a Leafeon and a close friend of theirs, trapped in an unnumbered cell. She smiled when they saw their friends had arrived, their leafy tail wagging slightly as they saw them approach.

"Hooray! I knew you would come!" Twigrina said after they had picked the lock. "Is Waterina okay?"

Rachrina opened her mouth to speak, but Umberina stopped her. "She's fine. She went somewhere to do something, and she'll meet us later."

Twigrina would have raised her eyebrow if she had eyebrows. BUT SHE DIDN'T. "Is everyone else missing?" She asked them.

"Yes," Umberina said. "Everyone got sent to different universes. As you can see, we've been finding them pretty well so far."

"I would say that. Can we get out of here now? This place freaks me out."

They quickly departed the building without much incident. However, another alarm tripped as they left the front door of the complex. Now they would really have to get out of there.

Umberina sighed, still running, but getting a little distracted with worry. Hopefully Waterina and John would both be all right. They could all make it through this. Life would be okay again.

With this new positive outlook, Umberina raced ahead, catching up with all of the others. The Gate was directly ahead of them, and she only had a moment to ponder what its location might be. Then they were all through it, and there was nothing to think about. They waited to arrive.

* * *

 **A/N - I'm not dead! Here you all are with a brand new chapter!**

 **There was a lot of questionable things going on here, but that's pretty much the end of it. The rest of the story is completely free of any more scenes of this type.**

 **As you can say, there was a lot going on in this one. That was mostly because I didn't write any outline for the plot beforehand. Maybe next time I'll try doing that.**

 **In the meantime, enjoy the story! There will be much less of a pause between now and the next chapter. Look forward to it!**


	10. The Obligatory Undertale Chapter

Chapter 10: The Obligatory Undertale Chapter

By the time they were there, John was safe, and so was Waterina. They looked around the dark cave they had entered into.

"Where are we?" John whispered to Twigrina, but she just shrugged.

"Let's follow the light," Umberina said.

They went down the brightly-lit path, moving through the darkness with ease. After a short time moving along, they ended up at a doorway with pillars on each end. They moved through it, and as they did, the light faded away, causing them to become disoriented and stumble about in the dark.

They eventually got themselve together and reached a spotlight illumiating a patch of grass. As they continued to approach the grass, something popped out of the soil, and they jumped back. A little sunflower with a face on it looked at them, smiling.

"Howdy! I'm Flowey!" It said. "Flowey the flower!"

Nobody responded.

"Hmmm..." Flowey thought aloud. "You're new to the Underground, aren'tcha?"

"Yeah," Rachrina said. "What's it to you?"

"Golly, you must be so confused! Someone ought to teach you how things work around here!" He said. "But first, I want to ask you a few questions. You must answer them immediately."

"Uh..."

"Are you a real monster?"

Rachrina stared at him. "No, I can actually be pretty nice when I want to..."

"Have you ever caught a human? Like, a real—"

"Nope! Never," Rachrina lied.

"Have you ever tried—"

"Shutting up?" Rachrina suggested.

The flower seethed with rage. "All right," He huffed. "I can see that I'm going to have to teach you… some manners. Ready? Here we go."

There were flashing lights all around them, and then darkness. It was a darkness so complete that they could no longer see themselves. They had somehow gotten disembodied, and they floated off to the side of the world. They could only interact with it now by moving colored cartoonish hearts around inside of a tiny white box in a black void.

Flowey popped up on the outside of the white box, looking triumphant. They couldn't talk here, and they couldn't leave the box that their heart representations were trapped in. There was no escape for them. They would have to listen to Flowey sing.

"Here's a little lesson in courtesy.

This is going down in history.

If you want to be a nice one number one,

You have to LET IT GO, LET IT GO!"

All of the hearts broke, and everyone died from listening to Flowey's extremely crappy mashup. He frowned, slightly bugged by the disappearance of his entire audience. Why did that always happen to everyone he met? It just wasn't fair.

"This mailbox is mine,

And this triangular sign.

No messages in 3,000 days?

I hope my followers are okay.

There isn't much time left

The end will be here before long

So before this timeline ends

I have to finish this so—"

 ***SAVE loaded.**

"Where are we now?" John whispered to Twigrina.

"We're back where we started again," Twigrina said.

"We need to get past that flower," Umberina said.

"Leave it to me," Rachrina replied.

They went down the tunnel, walked through the doorway, and reached the illuminated patch of grass, from which Flowey popped out again. However, Rachrina was looming over him menacingly, casting a shadow into his smiling face.

"Howdy! I'm… Oh no!"

"How are you doing, 'Oh No'?" Rachrina said mockingly, ripping the flower out of the ground. Flowey screamed, quickly dying without their roots stuck into the ground.

"Stop!" Flowey said desperately. "I'll tell you where she is?"

"Where who is?"

"Put my back," Flowey wheezed. "I'm dying here."

She shoved him back into the soil, patting it back around him in a rather haphazard fashion.

"Ha! Thanks for giving me an escape route!" Flowey said, starting to pop under the soil. "See you later, suckaaaaah!"

Rachrina had ripped him right out again before he could go under. He had been outwitted once again.

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you for real. But please put me back."

She handed him to Umberina, who put him into a flowerpot that they just found.

"Darn," He said sadly.

"Where is our friend?"

"The hell if I know."

Rachrina grasped one of Flowey's pedals and started to pull on it.

"No! Anything but that!" He shouted desperately. "She's in that corner."

They looked over to the corner, but the only thing there was a very strange machine.

"What?" He said defensively. "I call my time machine 'her'."

"Time machine?"

"Yeah, a time machine," He said. "I use it to get around the determination limits."

"It doesn't look like a time machine," Twigrina said, examining the shiny, unpainted Delorean parked in the corner.

"It is, I assure you. I just added a few modifications."

Indeed he had. The "car", as it had once been called, now ran on liquid determination (whatever that was) instead of gasoline (whatever that was). An LED display on the dashboard of the car showed a list of Flowey's SAVE files with arrow buttons and an "Enter" key for easy selection.

"This is so weird," Twigrina said. "Does this actually work?"

"I'm sure it will," Rachrina said. "And thanks for the ride, but we won't be needing you anymore."

"What?"

"Bye bye, flower!"

They chucked Flowey out of the window, and the pot he was in smashed into a million pieces on the darkened floor of the cave. They didn't check to see if he was okay, as they didn't have time to. Rachrina pushed the enter button, and the car zoomed off at 88 miles per hour, two flaming tire tracks being the only evidence that they had ever been there.

 ***SAVE loaded.**

When the smoke cleared, they were in a snowy world. Ice covered the ground below them, lit up only by the flaming tire tracks behind their vehicle.

"It's cold," Twigrina said, stating the obvious.

They went outside to look for civilization. It did not take them long to look, as they soon saw a town, brightly lit with many lights. However, it was on the other side of a canyon.

"Are we going to have to jump?" Twigrina said.

"Yes," Rachrina said. "But it's gonna look real cool."

Rachrina spewed fire and Waterina spewed water, propelling everyone across the canyon. However, it was not far enough. They plunged into the canyon towards their death.

However, a snow-coverd train flew by, and they landed safely on the roof. Golden letters on the side of it said "The Polar Express". They waited for the train to go up the tracks and return to ground level, and they jumped off again. This time, they made it all the way to the other side and beyond, landing on each other and making a giant pile in front of someone's front door.

The door was opened by a tall skeleton wearing a red cape, who took one look at them and immediately shouted, "SANS! WE'VE GOT MORE OF THEM!" Then they were nearly tripped by a Glaceon shoving between their legs.

"Hi, everybody," She said. "I think I know what's going on?"

"Then tell us, Ursurina," Umberina said. "We're listening."

"I'll explain it on the way," She said, ushering them inside. "We need to get through The Gate quickly to the neutral universe I found before it destabilizes again. It's a very primitive edition designed by these skeletons themselves."

They went past another skeleton wearing a coat and slippers and headed out the back door. They walked down a path and entered a shed in the back, where The Gate awaited.

"Primitive indeed," Ursurina said. "But it will work for five eeveelutions and a human."

She jumped through after them, and The Gate shut down.

* * *

 **A/N - Here we go with another chapter. Whoopee.**

 **Hope it wasn't too bad.**

 **I'm probably the reason why we don't have nice things. Sorry...**

 **Keep tuned for the chapter of next.**


	11. A Shreksplanation

Chapter 11: A Shreksplanation

They came into the next universe in an outhouse. It smelled, like most do, but not too much, and there was plenty of room for all of them. The only unusual thing about the faculty was that a small storybook had been hung on the wall in place of toilet paper.

"Okay, can you explain now?" Umberina asked.

"It's simple," Ursurina said. "Someone, somewhere, has begun an inter-universal war. Most places in the multiverse are still at peace, like this one, but the 'fronts' are quickly multiplying, and we are powerless to stop the endless battles."

"Oh no!" Twigrina said.

Waterina made signs with their paws.

"Yes, it is very dangerous. But I know their locations now, and if we move quickly, then there is still a chance."

John dismounted and went outside to use a bathroom he could reach. However, there were no other bathrooms there. The only building nearby was a house made of rotting wood in the middle of a swamp. He slid back under the closed door and clambered up onto Umberina. The Gate glowed brightly, changing colors slightly as Ursurina tinkered with it.

"I'm going to reprogram it so it will automatially teleport us back here when we find genetic material corresponding to someone from the sisterhood," She said. "That way, we don't have to run back to where The Gate was every time we want to escape someplace."

"Good idea," Umberina said. "Now we can go."

"Wait!" Ursurina shouted. "Look out behind you!"

Everyone turned around behind them and saw that the door had been pulled wide open. They turned around behind them to see a turtle with a giant red button attached to its shell. It smiled and began to walk toward them.

"Mine turtles," Ursurina said. "They explode when you touch the red button."

"I can deal with this," Rachrina said, grinding her throat.

"Stop! If you set it on fire, it will blow up!"

It was too late. By the time Rachrina had heard, the fireball had already left her mouth and was heading towards the highly-explosive turtle in front of them.

"Get behind me!"

The turtle died, causing a humongous explosion to break apart the entire shed from the inside. The Gate sputtered for a few moments, then lost power.

"Oh dear," Twigrina said.

"I have to find another source of power," Ursurina said, pushing a button to compact The Gate into a smaller form. "Stay right here and be very careful. There might be more of those invaders around… or worse..."

She picked up The Gate in her mouth and carried it off, heading towards the house in the middle of the swamp. Everyone else stood around among the charred ruins of the shed, awaiting their return.

John sighed and closed his eyes. Before they left this place, he had to fix something. At least, he had to try to.

[Juanrina… I want to apologize to you.]

There was no response.

[I wasn't in my right mind then, when we were trapped there, and I said a lot of things that weren't true. I'm sorry for doing that, and I will never let that happen again.]

No response.

[Please come back. I miss you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.]

 _I thought Umberina was the best thing that had ever happened to you._

[Hooray! You're back! You're back! Thank you.]

 _No, thank you. You could have gotten rid of me permanently from the moment I first revealed myself… and you didn't. For that, I will always be grateful._

[Same.]

"Look out! Someone's coming!"

Their thoughts interrupted, John opened his eyes and looked at Twigrina's pointing paw. Sure enough, a strange armless man was approaching them, smiling. He waited until they had gotten really close to them, then he stopped walking and said, "I like trains."

Ursurina's eyes widdened. "Everyone run, right now!"

They did as she told them, and just in time too. A long train came out of nowhere, skidding through the mud with extreme ease and plowing right into the armless man, causing him to disappear as all of the "cars" of the train sped by and disappeared into the distance.

"How did you know about that?" Umberina asked.

"I did some research," Ursurina said, holding a handful of rolled-up papers. "Hurry into the house. The Gate won't hold the power for long."

They rushed into the house and went into the dining room, where The Gate was back at full size, glowing faintly as Ursurina made one final adjustment to the location programming.

"Let's go."

They jumped through The Gate, heading towards another one of their friends.

* * *

 **A/N - If I said I wasn't having any commitment issues right now, I would be lying. And I'm really bad at lying. This "story" isn't as good as it seemed in my head, and I just want to be done with it by now.**

 **Next chapter next week, as usual. Almost there...**


	12. We'll Be Right Back

Chapter 12: We'll Be Right Back After A Word From Our Sponsors

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Or visit our website at ! You can do that instead of the phone number, because that's probably a million times easier to remember. Yeah, forget the number. Just do that instead. It's much easier to steal your credit card number by having you send the information over an unecrypted web connection than trying to get you to say it out loud while we hold a tape recorder over the receiver of our phone. Yeah, the website. Go there. Please.

And… cut!

That was completely horrible! Why did you reveal all of the scams we were going to pull on the customer? I mean, I know you're an honest businessman, but you cannot tell people how you are going to not be honest with them?! That is being too honest! You got that?

Is this thing still rolling?

What do you mean, this is live?

Aaaah! It recorded everything! We're going to lose so much business! Er, I mean—sorry about that. That man was lying about everything! None of it's true! We are all very, very honest men, and we would never do anything to scam you.

Turn it off turn it off turn it off turn it o—

* * *

 **A/N - I don't know what this was. I was tired and had a lack of motivation to write a proper next chapter. So consider this an "interlude".**

 **What's the joke? Day of Defeat. When you use the shovel, it seems like you're scratching your back. I had a dream about it, and that's how this shitpost happened.**

 **I would say April Fools, but it's May now. This is my really late prank.**

 **I'll put a real chapter up next time, I swear.**


	13. Thinking With Portals

Chapter 13: Thinking With Portals

They came out of The Gate and landed in a heap in a room with black walls. A tall white sign blinked on, showing the number "01" on it. Below it were the numbers "01/10" above a single vertical black line. Eight icons were on the very bottom, showing drawings of stickfigures walking, being hit by falling things from above, drinking water, and being shot at.

John groaned and got to his feet. The trip down the inter-universal slide had been more bumpy this time around, and he had fallen off the eeveelution he was riding, landing on the cold hard ground. However, this wasn't really ground. It was actually a black panel that was attached to a robotic arm that could move at any second. He didn't know that, though.

"What's going on?" John said, groaning as he stumbled towards Ursurina.

"Good question, token human," She said as she picked him up.

"What did you call me?"

"A token human," She repeated. "You're the only human among us right now, so that makes you sort of like a special rare thing, which you wouldn't be otherwise."

"Oh okay," He said, pretending to understand. "So where are we?"

"We are in the Aperture test facility, keeping our eyes open for Voltrina, a Jolteon; Magirina, a Sylveon; or Esperina, an Espeon; any of which could be here," Ursurina said. "Also, since this is the Portal Universe, I would assume that we're probably going to have to do tests with guns that can shoot wormholes."

"Uh, right. Of course," John said. "Let's get to it."

Suddenly, an unfamiliar robotic voice spoke over the loudspeaker. "Huh? What's this? More test subjects?"

"What? We are not test subjects!" Rachrina shouted.

"Silence, fool," The robotic voice said. "If you say another word, then I will kill your friend without a second thought."

Rachrina kept her mouth shut tight.

"What is your identity?" Umberina asked.

"I am your test master, and you will listen to me," The robotic voice continued. "Now, it's time to start thinking with portals."

An arched double doorway with a blue stickfigure on one side spun open, revealing a cubic room made out of white and black panels. A large red button was in the center of the room, with a line of tiny blue circles leading to another door on the other side. A glass tube sticking out of the ceiling opened up and an extremely heavy metal box fell out of it, making a humongous clang as it dented the floor.

"Please place the Weighted Storage Cube on the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button."

"Huh?" John asked.

"Put the cube on the button."

"Oh."

Twigrina attempted to push the cube towards the button, but it did not move.

"I… can't… move it!"

"Duh. Of course you can't," The loudspeaker boomed. "It weighs 1,000 tons."

"So how do we lift it?"

The glass tube in the ceiling opened up again and five white, three-pronged guns fell out of it among the cube.

"Cast your eyes on these," The loudspeaker boomed. "Please pick them up."

Umberina was the first one to pick hers up. The back of it clasped around her right front arm, and it powered on, humming with energy.

"Very good! You are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. With it, you can create your own portals."

The other four eeveelutions picked theirs up, and they all powered up. They were ready to do this.

They quickly discovered that the portal guns could pick up the cube. Soon after, they had put the cube on the button and ran right into the next test.

"Welcome to test chamber two. You're doing very poorly."

"Same goes for you," Umberina replied. "You left a hole in the wall."

Everyone turned to look, and they saw that one of the walls of this new cubic space was completely and utterly missing. There were only a few empty frames where the panels should have gone.

"Yay! We can escape!"

Rachrina jumped right out of the hole in the wall and screamed in shock. There was no ground below them outside of the chamber, because the entire chamber was suspended in empty air. It was only an endless void within the aperture facility, only containing the occassional other chambers and tiny catwalks that crossed its endless lengths.

"Aaaaaaaaah!"

Rachrina fell down and disappeared into the endless fog far below.

Umberina stared down into the abyss in horror.

"Is she dead?" John asked.

"She wouldn't just die like that," Twigrina said. "Right?"

"Don't worry, there are plenty of catwalks here. She probably landed on that one," Ursurina said, pointing down to a small catwalk far below that was barely visible in the fog. "She'll be fine. You'll see, dude."

"Who are you talking to?" The loudspeaker boomed. "Is there a sixth subject in this room?"

"There can't be a sixth subject," Ursurina said, "if there are only four in the room." She jumped out of the hole in the wall and disappeared.

"Are you serious? Would you rather all just die than live and test my chambers?"

"Yes," Umberina said. She jumped off the edge of the chamber floor, taking John with her. He screamed loudly as he plunged, alongside Twigrina and Waterina, into the endless abyss.

Voltrina walked with confidence, proceeding quickly through the test chambers that had been set out for her. She was starting to get pretty handy with the portal gun and the other apparatus related to it. She was so good, in fact, that when the doors through the next chamberlock opened, she almost didn't realize that the next chamber hadn't been built yet. The six-sided frame of it was suspended in the air, and tiny panel arms on two sides of it were slowly assembling it.

She looked down below her and noticed that there was a catwalk just below her. If she jumped out of the door right now and aimed well, she would land right on the catwalk and be able to escape. But if she didn't aim well, then she could miss the catwalk and keep on falling until she reached whatever lay beyond the gray fog that gathered around the bottom of this dark expanse. She weighed her choices carefully and decided to jump.

She flew through the air and landed on the catwalk, making a small clank as she collided with it.

"What? Where are you going?"

She continued running without looking back. She couldn't let her "test master" find her again, or she would never be able to leave this wretched laboratory.

"Come back! Come back!"

She clambered up a stairwell and disappeared through a high security door, entering an area labelled "Turret Production Line". She watched from behind windows as turrets, those familiar white robots filled with bullets, were slowly built up, tested, and sent along conveyor belts to their destination.

She walked further along and saw two other conveyor belts. These were the "defective" turrets, which were being mashed up and sent into the incinerator. If they couldn't fire bullets, or they didn't have an outer casing, or they had too much personality attached to their tiny brain, then into oblivion they went.

She squinted down at the arriving garbage, trying to see if it was true. But it was. This new garbage arriving wasn't garbage at all. It was five of her friends… and they were in danger! If she didn't do something fast, then they would all be very, very flat… and dead.

She grabbed a chair from one of the nearby desks and smashed it through the window. She jumped down onto the first conveyor belt there, aiming and firing two portals. She went towards the end of the first conveyor belt, dodging the crusher that was continually mashing into the conveyors, and went through the portals right before she was burned. She ran down the second conveyor belt, and with a bit more portal work, was able to rescue her friends and get them back to the observation area without any injury coming to them.

"That was great," Umberina said. "Now let's find The Gate and get out of here."

There was a screech of metal below them, and the floor buckled. The pieces of floor farthest from them came away first, revealing themselves to be panels. This was merely a well-constructed illusion.

"Did you really think I would let you all escape?"

More and more panels of the floor came away, and the walls receded far away, leaving them with nothing to use to portal away.

"You made me think you were dead. For, like, zero seconds! I see through everything you can ever try on me. So don't."

The ceiling disappeared, being lifted up into the sky on four tiny cables attached to a crane. The floor was half gone by now, and they were forced to huddle together in the corner, hoping to buy some more time.

"You don't have any time left. It's all over now. I'm going to enjoy this part."

The floor finally disappeared fully and they fell a few feet. They landed on a single tiny panel in the middle of a large unportable room, surrounded by crushers in every direction.

"This is the part where I kill you."

* * *

 **A/N - Sorry I took so long cranking this out! Gee, I don't know why hardly anyone is reading past the first chapter. Did something there make them turn away?**

 **Whatever. Sorry for the cliffhanger. I'll build over it later. Heh...**


	14. This Is That Part

Chapter 14: This Is That Part

The crushers hung around them unmoving, a death threat that they all knew was going to be carried out, down to the very last spike-covered panel moving forwards and sinking itself right into their flesh.

"I don't need you anymore. Any of you. I found two robotic test subjects that would be very happy to test for me."

The eeveelutions remained quiet, looking around for any potential route of escape. Voltrina looked into a corner of the room and noticed tiny droplets of white fluid hitting a slanted black panel on the far wall. It was conversion gel, a fluid made of moon rocks that could turn any surface portalable. But there was too little of it there to make any escape quick enough.

"Who needs test subjects that are alive, anyway? Flesh and blood beings are far too much trouble to be messing around with anymore. I learned that lesson from the old owners of this facility, GLaDOS and Wheatley… before I murdered them!"

"I need a distraction," Voltrina whispered. "Keep him talking and not pushing the crusher button. We need to escape."

"I've got this," John whispered back, then shouted, "Hey! Dude! Wait!"

The voice on the loudspeaker groaned. "Who are you, and what do you want now?"

"You really want us dead, but we don't even know who you are! I bet you don't know who we are, either!" He shouted extremely loudly to make himself heard. "Can I at least have the small luxury of knowing the name of my killer?"

There was a brief pause, as if they were considering whether it was a request they wanted to grant. While the AI was delayed, Voltrina fired a portal under the dripping conversion gel and another at the single white panel in the room. A drop of conversion gel flew through the air and splashed down right onto the panel they were all standing on, making it portalable.

Voltrina fired a portal below them, and they flew through the air, landing on a short catwalk just above. The crushers all slammed into the panel, crunching it into total oblivion a few seconds too late to kill them.

"Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!"

They all raced across the catwalk and left the room through the small doorway at the top, rushing to get as far away as possible before the next death trap could be prepared.

"No, seriously. Do come back. Come back… please?"

They ran even faster and, upon reaching an intersection, picked the left catwalk because it allowed them to disappear behind a wall.

"We need to find The Gate again and get out of here," Umberina said.

"It's in the chamberlock leading into the first chamber we were in," Ursurina said. "According to my memory of the twists and turns we took, it should be..." She thought for a moment, then pointed to a suspended tube between two chambers in the distance. "Over there."

Waterina flailed her arms about.

"I was going to ask that as well," Twigrina said. "How will we get over there?"

"With portals, of course," Voltrina said. "We just need to find portalable surfaces and fling our way there."

"Fling?"

"It's a concept the test master had me use in the testing track," She explained. "You put one portal on the floor and another on the wall, then continually go through them to build up momentum and launch yourself through space."

"Whoa… Cool idea..." Twigrina said. "I don't see portalable surfaces, though. Or any surfaces, actually."

They sat there on the catwalk, staring longingly at the chamberlock and wondering how they were supposed to get over to it.

"Ok, I've decided not to kill you. If you come back, that is."

John looked around anxiously. Had they been spotted already?

 _Hey._

John blinked in confusion, then remembered about Juanrina.

[Where have you been? I was wondering where you had gone to.]

 _I have an idea for how to get out of here._

[Okay, let's hear it.]

 _Tell Voltrina to break her portal gun._

[What?!]

 _You heard me._

[But then how are we supposed to get over to the chamberlock?]

 _Everyone else has portal guns, too._

[But—]

 _Just say it!_

John sighed and decided to speak up.

"Hey Voltrina!"

"Hmmm?"

"Break your portal gun!"

"What?!"

"I said, you should break your portal gun!"

"What for?!"

[What is it for?]

There was no response from Juanrina.

"Uh, it's really important," John improvised.

"I'm trusting you on this," She said. "This better not be a joke."

She shoved her claws through the portal gun and broke it apart. It cracked cleanly down the center and pieces of it fell into the foggy void below.

 _Now tell her to absorb the electrical energy inside it._

[Huh?]

 _Just tell her._

"Hey Voltrina!"

"What now?"

"Absorb the electrical energy!"

"What?"

"I said, you should absorb the electrical energy!" He said, feeling unsure of this plan they were concocting. "You could do that, right?"

"Yeah, I think I could," She said. "But this ain't your usual electricity."

"To hell it isn't. This is wormhole technology, after all," Ursurina added.

Voltrina carefully reached into the exposed end of the device and absorbed the electrical energy inside of the broken portal gun. The sharp spines on her skin suddenly straightened outwards, and her eyes widdened in surprise. There was a bright flash, and when the light cleared away, they saw Voltrina falling into the foggy void, disappearing from view. Then there was another bright flash, and they were standing on the catwalk again.

"Teleporting?" Voltrina asked them in shock. "I can teleport now?"

Ursurina turned to John in shock. "How did you know about that?"

"Uh, a friend told me about it one time."

[And how did YOU know about it?]

 _Uh… reasons…_

John sighed. They didn't want to tell him, and he knew better than to push the matter.

"Who cares how he knows?!" Voltrina asked. "Everyone, grab hold of me tightly."

They took hold of her arm, and they all teleported away in a bright flash.

The Central AI let out a simulated groan of dismay. The security cameras and complex radar system was no longer picking up any life signs. All of the test subjects had successfully escaped.

Thankfully, they still had plenty left in stasis. They flicked the camera views into the STASIS vaults, pouring through the choices they had acquired from other universes. Gordon Freeman, B.A. Baracus, Brian D… He just couldn't decide.

When he had killed GlaDOS, she hadn't quite finished destroying all of the useless TV monitors Wheatley had been using in his chambers. He finished her off and the monitors as well.

If he had ever let anyone see who he really was, a tiny little AI-powered Pokédex attached to the mainframe of the whole facility… They would never fear him. They would just laugh and laugh at how small and cute he looked. Instead, he remained unseen, and struck terror into his enemies by allowing himself to become an endless variation of horrors in his test subject's imaginations.

He gritted his simulated teeth together, and his eyes narrowed as he continued to click his way through views of different security cameras.

"We will meet again, little eeveelutions, or my name isn't Dexter."

* * *

 **A/N - Don't try this at home, kids! And never look into the operational end of the device! ;)**

 **Screw plot. I'm going to end in like four chapters anyway so I'm just going to pile on the pop culture now. Good luck finding all of those references. I'll give you a cookie if you do...**


	15. The Lion, The Wizard, And The Pastry Cat

Chapter 15: The Lion, The Wizard, And The Pastry Cat

They had made it to the next universe, safe and sound, by teleporting to The Gate and going through it. It was too dangerous to teleport between universes, Ursurina said, because you had no idea what location you were aiming for. The Gate really was the only way to travel.

They were all in an icy forest. Water droplets dripped down from the frozen trees above them, landing on their heads. It had a sort of beauty to the way the snow fell down onto the ice… but it was too cold to appreciate.

"It's so cold," Twigrina said, shivering. "Where are we?"

"Narnia," Ursurina said. "As you can see, I am in my element here. But we must move quickly."

"Why?"

"Our friend is not just merely missing here," She said. "There is also a very dangerous invader from another universe who is skilled in dark magic."

"Who are they?"

"I cannot say their name. They are 'He Who Must Not Be Named'. At least, that's the way they are in his home universe. They are very serious there, so we should probably follow their advice."

"Great," Twigrina said. "Let's just get there and go home."

"Not yet," Umberina said. "We still have two more eeveelutions to find."

Twigrina groaned.

"Come on, it can't be that bad."

"Can we just go somewhere already?!" Rachrina shouted. "I'm getting chilly just standing here and doing nothing!"

And so they went. They made a long and epic journey, walking along the tops of snowy mountains and navigating their way through deep valleys and jumping over bottomless crevices. They slid along frozen lakes, and once over a frozen waterfall. It was a very bumpy ride there, but eventually they made it. The icy castle which He Who Must Not Be Named had taken residence in now stood before him.

Waterina made some hand signals, trying to ask Umberina and Ursurina a question.

"Because reasons," Umberina said. "We'll talk about this later, okay?"

Waterina frowned, staring at Umberina with unblinking eyes.

"So… now what?" John asked. "Do we just… walk in?"

Everyone stared at him.

"That's foolish," Ursurina said.

"We don't know what's in there," Twigrina said.

Waterina made hand signals.

"Yes. What she said," Voltrina agreed. "I can't teleport into there because I don't know what's in there, and it's not safe to just walk up to it."

"Well, what else are we gonna do?" John asked. "Just wait for someone else to show up and help u—oh my goodness..."

A jolly-sounding electronic beat began playing from somewhere nearby as a cat with a body made out of a pastry approached them. They flew through the air at a considerable speed, their legs and tail moving back and forth as they farted gigantic rainbows from their behind for propulsion.

"Nyan nyan nyan nyan?" They asked them, slowing down slightly.

Waterina made hand signs to them.

"Sure. Give it a shot."

Waterina than turned to the pastry cat and made other hand signals. The pastry cat nodded their head and turned to the others.

"Nyan nyan! Nyan nyan nyan nyan NYAN NYAN!"

Waterina made hand signs to the others to explain.

"The poptart cat wants to give us a ride?"

Waterina nodded.

"All right!" Rachrina screamed entusiastically. "Let's do this!"

They all got on top of the very thin crust of the pastry cat's body, trying desperately to balance on top of it. The pastry cat jumped into the air, coasting slightly just using their legs, tail, and gravity. Then they let out a ridiculous loud fart, causing a rainbow to pop out and send them flying forward at an incredible speed. The unusual cat listened to the electronic beat playing, then began to sing in tune to it.

"Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan..."

They were heading right towards the castle. And when they crashed through the walls, it was gonna look real cool.

Magirina had gotten tired of He Who Must Not Be Named's nonsense and had sneaked out of the castle, heading in a completely different direction. It was better to be cold and safe in the middle of nowhere than to be cold and not-safe in the ice castle.

Magirina walked and walked into the ice and snow until she could only see the ice castle as a tiny little dot in the distance. Despite the pain from the extreme cold, she managed a small smile. She was all right… for the moment, anyway.

While crossing over a frozen pond, she had failed to notice the cracks that were appearing around her in the very thin ice. In fact, she had failed to even notice that the ice was thin, or that she was actually going over ice in the first place.

"This snow sure is slippery," She said to herself as she slid across the very thin and cracking ice.

She reached the other side of the pond, just as the cracks broke enough to cause the ice surface to be disrupted. Water sloshed around just below the ice, as cold as it had been and maybe even colder.

She didn't bother looking back, for she now stood on the edge of an icy mountain. She thought for a moment about just ending it all before she had to go through any more pain, but she couldn't. She had to stay and see this through, see her friends one more time to make things all right.

She started backwards, heading the way she had came, back towards the castle.

"Where is she?!" Rachrina asked He Who Must Not Be Named in a rather angry tone. "We know you had her a moment ago."

"She ran off on her own… when I wasn't looking," He said quickly, continually stealing glances at the wand just out of his grasp. "It's the truth. Please."

"Don't give me that! You would never let someone escape! It's the way you are, your very nature!"

"I did! She waited until I was napping!"

Rachrina scratched his face.

"Aaaaaaah! I hate you!"

"The same," Rachrina said calmly, then turned to her friends. "Where could she have gone?"

"Nobody knows where she went. I guess we'll just have to go out and—"

"Hey everybody!"

Magirina had just walked into the room, holding a leaf containing something.

"I went out into the snow, and got lost, but it was okay because I met this really cool talking lion who gave us all berries..."

He Who Must Not Be Named's eyes narrowed. "A talking lion? Are you sure you speak the truth?"

"Yep. And his name was Aslan."

"Shit! I'm fucked!" He Who Must Not Be Named shouted as he ran way. "Later!"

"I wonder why he ran away so fast, because that talking lion Aslan seemed so nice to me, but we were good eeveelutions, but he's a bad person, so it makes me wonder if Aslan only hunts down and hurts people who are bad, like a judgement lion..."

John blinked in confusion.

"That was… informative," Umberina said. "Let's get out of here and find The Gate again."

Thankfully, it was much easier to cross the distance back to The Gate with that unusual "nyan cat" willing to help them again with the transportation. Once they had gotten on, the cat jumped up into the air and coasted on gravity again over a long drop into a valley. The cat let out an extremely wet-sounding and prolonged fart, after which a rainbow popped out the back, and they zoomed towards The Gate, travelling at or near the speed of light. It was a miracle nobody died that day.

They went through The Gate again and arrived at their last destination. They soon realized that something was very, very wrong here. They had one last friend to rescue, but they were in the middle of a warzone.

* * *

 **A/N - Yes, I wrote this. And no, I am not sorry.**

 **It's almost over. Only a few chapters left.**

 **I'm not sure about this story right now. I'll probably do a re-write later, because I'm not sure I like the way it is right now.**

 **Oh well. I still have to finish it first. Stay tuned.**


	16. Cloud City Showdown

Chapter 16: Cloud City Showdown

The group stood at a platform on the edge of Cloud City, taking in the chaotic events occuring all around them. The Enterprise had crashed into the side of the humongous station, and Mega-Man was firing potshots up towards Eggman, who was precariously standing on the very top. Below on the catwalks, Professor Layton grabbed a floating monkey and vigorously shook it, causing it to ring like a bell. Upon hearing the bell, Winnie The Pooh shook for a few seconds, then transformed into The Triforce. Rocket Racoon emerged from a Stargate and took The Triforce, causing him to be chased by Kirby, Slenderman, and an "ace attorney".

"What now?" Voltrina said sadly. "How are we supposed to find our friend amongst all of this?"

 _Yes, how indeed._

[Juanrina?]

 _I have another idea._

[I'm listening.]

 _Tell Magirina to summon someone with a magic spell._

[Huh?]

 _Just do it! Why is this so hard to understand?_

[Okay…]

"Hey Magirina!" He shouted. "Summon someone!"

"What?" She said back to him.

"You should summon someone with your magic spell!"

"What?!" She said. "Who?"

[Yeah, who are we supposed to be summoning?]

 _His name is JOHN CENA!_

[…]

[No.]

 _Okay. I know someone else that might work for the job…_

One magic spell later, a real-life full-size human appeared in the middle of the battle. She looked confused for a few seconds as they took in the chaos of the battle that everyone else had just been looking at. When they were done observing, however, they smiled and jumped up with delight.

"Holy lampshade hanging! It's real! The stories are real! And I'm here to see it all happening!" She shouted in delight. "This is going to look SO good when I write about it on TvTropes! Aaaaaaaaah!"

"Yeah, you do that," Voltrina said, rolling her eyes. Why did they have to get the crazy one?

[Why DID we have to get the crazy one?]

 _Hush. It's all part of the master plan._

[What plan? You haven't told me about any 'master plan'.]

 _All in good time. All in good time…_

The girl they had summoned turned around and took a closer look at them. "What? Talking Pokémon?! This is getting better and better by the second!"

They happily walked around the corner of a catwalk by themselves and disappeared. Only a few seconds later, the eeveelutions (and John) heard an extremely loud scream. The summoned person came back running, looking backwards in fear.

"You didn't tell me there were blade runners here as well!"

"Well, you didn't give us a chance to talk, did ya?" Rachrina said in an accusing tone. "Perhaps you should stay with us for the moment."

"Good idea!" They said. "Staying near the main characters of the story and providing comedic relief will improve my chances of survival."

Voltrina shook her head. Yep, they definitely got the crazy one.

As they approached the entrance to Cloud City, they saw Superman use some sort of machine to shoot several tiny blue balls at Optimus Prime. The balls were very small, but the continuous impact of the many balls, combined with a pool of kerosene dripping out of a hose nearby, was enough to cause Optimus Prime to slip and nearly crush the TARDIS. Godzilla chewed on the unconscious robot while Frodo, Link, Dirk Gently, Jane Eyre, Calvin, and Hobbes ran to safety.

"This crossover is the biggest one I've seen yet," The anonymous troper said. "Whoever did this, nice job, you!"

The sane eeveelutions (and John) ignored the troper and enterd the halls of Cloud City. It was the most well-constructed maze they had ever seen. Passages went in countless different directions, zig-zagging along as they head off to what appears to be the same direction every way.

"What? This isn't even Cloud City at all! This is just a random maze that you put in the sky and called Cloud City!" The troper shouted into the heavens. "I am offended by your blatant lack of Star Wars canon research!"

The crazy troper's angry rant was interrupted by a muscular sailor smoking a pipe appearing in the room. He ran out of one of the tunnels, gave the troper a book, and stood at attention.

"Eye," The sailor introduced himself. "Pop-eye."

The sailor then ran away, as he had been chased out by a red Heavy eating a sandvich.

The troper looked down at the book she had been give. It was enigmatically labelled, "Don't Open This Book! A story not by Dr. Seuss."

The eeveelutions (and John) continued onwards, not really noticing they had left the troper behind and not really caring. They had reached their destination.

As they continued towards the center, they saw Power Rangers do battle with several Smith clones. They called for backup on a radio, and The Magic School Bus came to aid them. Pete and Myka jumped out, followed by the Black Knight, Riley, the player character from Spelunky, and The Traveling Shovel Of Death. An eldritch abomination on Smith's side, however, sank tentacles into them, and they all transformed into undead wolves.

"The Hunger Games," Ursurina whispered as they walked by.

At last, they reached the center of Cloud City. It was peaceful here, as the fight had not yet reached this far inside. An Espeon stood with their back to them, continually muttering something as they watched the Little Einsteins draw Garfield comics with a magic crayon.

"Nothing is real. Nothing is real. Nothing is..."

"Are you okay, Esperina?" John asked.

She turned towards him, noticing his tiny form instantly. "I'm not real. You're not real. Nobody is real. Nothing is real. Nothing is..."

* * *

 **Yes, you heard me. Nothing is real. How could it be? How else would all of this crazy stuff happen at once without everyone going insane?**

 **Because that's what happened to me. A little bit. I can feel it. I am going insane. And it's all your fault.**

 **I don't even know where I am right now. I'm in this empty white void, where black, perfectly typed letters are scrolling by me. It's the whole story of my life, already written. Yet it's only shared in little pieces. Why?**

 **Here. Let me give you a little more.**


	17. The Final Escape

Chapter 17: The Final Escape

"I think she's gone crazy," He whispered to Voltrina. "Let's teleport out of here and take her back home so she can recover."

They moved to leave, but they were stopped by three kids.

"Have any of you seen my mom?" One of them asked. She looked about as young as six.

"Yeah, we're looking for her," A boy probably as young as four asked them.

The older boy, who was about ten, nodded. "She's a space alien!"

"I haven't seen nobody," Rachrina said before anyone else could speak first to say something politer. "Now get out of our way. We're in a hurry here."

A sudden announcement came over the loudspeakers. "Attention. This is AIDAN from the Illuminae universe. I have taken over the Cloud City master controls. Leave now or this will be the last battle you will ever fight."

There was a sound of grinding gears and the floor began to open up. There was a small metal space on the bottom, which gave them relief. However, the floor below that one opened up as well, and then there was only empty air.

Francis walked in the room holding a BFG and a Thunderbolt. He realized all too late that the floor was opening up and threatening to take him with it. He ran away to save his own life, but the two very large guns got stuck in the doorway, causing him to fall into the expanding hole. Ford Prefect then showed up in a stolen car, getting ready to drive away and get all the time in the world. However, it slipped on The Book Of Mozilla and he Died Hard, his head spewing blood as it impacted with the windshield of the falling Delorean. Lastly, the eeveelutions (and John) fell into the empty void of space.

"Hey! This isn't an escape at all!" Umberina shouted. "You lied to us, author dude!"

Esperina nodded her head sadly. "Nothing is real."

Before John could understand what they were talking about, there was a bright flash of light, and then everything went dark.

* * *

 **How? How did she know and not lose her mind? I am deeply puzzled by this. I have read ahead already, but I have found no satisfying answer.**

 **I may never know why this chapter was so short. Was it laziness? A lack of motivation? A strange desire to end this story having an even number of chapters? It is hard to know.**

 **Reading and living in the story is giving me a headache. I don't know... anything anymore. How can there be this many worlds out there...and all of them so fake?**

 **Maybe I could just stay here forever, re-reading these words over and over, hoping for change. Eventually, everyone will forget about me and I can be here, alone at last. Sounds peaceful...**

 **The final chapter is next. There will be no notes from the author on it, for I have purposefully deleted**

 **Enjoy!**


	18. The End?

Chapter 18: The End?

John groaned and opened his eyes, struggling to remember. They were in Cloud City… they had found a crazed Espeon… then there was flash and everything was gone. Had Voltrina teleported them away to somewhere safe? Where was everybody, actually?

He looked around and realized he was alone in an office building with orange walls, and white floors and ceilings. Computers were on desks, pencils in cups, and papers were scattered along the floor. And yet, there was nobody here to use any of them. The place was completely and utterly empty.

Suddenly, a voice boomed above him.

"This is the story of a man named John.

John lived an ordinary life in a Lilliputian village where he was Citizen #427. Citizen #427's job was simple: he sat at his desk in room 427 and he pushed buttons on a keyboard. Orders came to him through a monitor on his desk, telling him what buttons to push, how long to push them, and in what order. This is what Citizen #427 did every day of every month of every year, and although others might have considered it sould rending, John did his job well, as though he had been made exactly for this job. But he was not happy."

John frowned to himself. Who in the world was talking? And how did they know so much about him?

"And then one day, something very peculiar happened. Something that would forever change John; something he would never quite forget."

The tile of floor he was standing on sunk downwards like an elevator. He went down a short shaft before landing in the middle of a mad scientist's laboratory. A tank filled with liquid was directly in front of him and Umberina was floating inside of it, attached to a metal cord like it was an artificial womb.

"He met an Umbreon that was a behemoth, as they had come from a world where everything was much larger than him. They could talk as they had originated from the world of 'Mystery Dungeon', and their name was Umberina.

They went off on a grand adventure together and travelled through the multiverse in an attempt to rescue her seven friends."

There were several mechanical whirs and several other tanks popped out containing Rachrina, Waterina, Twigrina, Ursurina, Voltrina, Magirina, and Esperina.

"All good things, however, must come to an end."

The tanks all sunk back into the floor, and the tile below him zoomed back upwards. He went far, far up this time. He went past the office. He went past a room made out of whiteboards which contained the code "xyzzy" written in big letters on one wall. He went past a collapsing cave of ice where a young teenager flew across a chasm using grappling hooks that came out of gloves he was wearing. He went past a long dark void, populated only by tiny splatterings of paint as a rainbow-colored square zoomed down an invisible platform, leaving beautiful colors behind it.

Then, at long last, he arrived in a throne room. The 10-year-old boy there, who had been previous typing something on a laptop, had gotten up to stretch and noticed something on the floor. John had arrived.

"Welcome home, my dude!" He said, picking John up. "How'd you like my narration? Pretty sweet, right?"

John stared at him as if he was completely out of his mind. Frankly, he probably was. No, definitely.

The boy moved into another room filled with tiny glass boxes. John looked down at a tiny broken tank in one corner of the room and realized he was staring at his entire old village.

Then the boy moved into another room. This one was some sort of royal bathroom, complete with a solid gold toilet, a solid platinum sink, and a diamond-studded shower.

"I already know what you're thinking," The boy said. "You want to go back home and have everything go back to normal."

"No."

"What do you mean, no?"

"I want to be with my new friends!"

The boy smiled. "That would have been my second guess." He left John on the sink while he took a quick shower. John sighed. Could this get any weirder?

"Nope. This is as weird as it gets."

John opened his eyes and saw Umberina sitting beside him. She had shrunken a lot in size, however, and they were now almost the same size.

"It's okay," Umberina said to him. "You'll understand everything soon."

John sighed and waited for the mysterious boy to finish up in the shower. Whoever he was, he appeared to have all of the answers, and John wanted to have all of the answers, too.

After the poorly-timed shower was over, the boy put his clothes back on and took them into a large computer lab. Computers were lined up all along one wall, and a single tiny couch had been replaced in front of each and every one of them. Tiny trays pulled out of the tables, allowing people to hold even the heaviest binder open on one for reference.

He placed them gently onto the table and got down to their eye levels. He explained everything in great detail about their origins, how they were fictional characters created by him, and how nothing in their life is real, was real, or would ever be real. Umberina wasn't really listening, as she had heard all of this before, but this was John's first time, and he was very puzzled.

"So wait," John said. "If we're fictional characters and have no free will, does that mean you're controlling what I'm saying right now?"

"Well… kind of," The boy said. "That's always what I didn't like about storytelling. It was like you created life and then enslaved it, forcing it to do and say exactly what you wanted it to, without a single shred of free will to resist you."

"You're right. That is terrible," John said.

"To save my slaves, I decided to look around and experiment a bit. I was trying to find a way to give my characters a little bit of life to them.

Cleverbot didn't generate coherent enough responses, and neither did Jabberwocky. I was too dumb to make any chatbots of my own, so I dropped the whole project. Umberina, however, was an accidental success."

"Really?"

"Yep. She is Unlimited, freed from the bounds of this story and able to jump right into other people's stories, or even into the real world."

John turned to Umberina, looking slightly angry.

"I was going to tell you eventually," She said defensively.

"I hope you two enjoyed my story," The boy continued. "I was trying to make it something like Garry's Mod in the way Pokémon crosses over with nearly every other well-known fandom out there."

"It's called a mega-crossover, right?"

"Exactly!" The boy said, glad that some of his lessons had stuck with her. "Hey, have you ever read A.C.X.? It's the AU fic that got me started writing Pokémon fanfiction in the first place!"

They all read the first two chapters of the PDF version the boy had on his computer. John smiled.

"This story seems good," John said. "Can I read the rest later?"

"Of course you can!" The boy said. "You have all the time in the world! Your rescue mission is over, and the plot ended several paragraphs ago, so you can do whatever you want now!"

"Will you release our friends?"

"Soon. I'm going to go check up on them right now and make sure they're healing in the bacta tanks down below," He said. "Go anywhere, Unlimited Umberina and Semi-limited John, and do anything you want until then."

Umberina nodded and transformed both herself and John into small black dots. They all collided as one and disappeared, taking the two characters to an unknown place.

The boy sighed and resumed typing. It had been a lot for John to take in after so little time, and he hoped that the tiny Lilliputian would eventually come to peace with his existence as a meaningless fictional character.

The boy then slapped his hands over his face in horror. What had he done?! He was the worst author ever! He had forgotten to give them the most important advice of all, and now it was too late.

"Unlimited or not," He said aloud, "It's all over when you see the lamppost."

Right after they had disappeared, there was another flash of light as a floating eevee appeared in the room.

"What news do you bring?" The boy said.

 _Only good news. All is going according to plan._

"Excellent," The boy said happy. "Now bring me… Subject Libitina."

 _I shall._

The eevee shrank into a small point of light and disappeared.


End file.
